


I Just Met You and This is Crazy

by luck_and_miracles



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pon Farr, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luck_and_miracles/pseuds/luck_and_miracles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And call me Jim, we’re married now, hubby.” He said with his most winning smile.<br/>Spock closed his eyes. “I will regret this, will I not?”<br/>“That’s the spirit.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Met You and This is Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first big fan fiction so comments and critiques are appreciated. And this is just shameless, fake married fluff so I hope you guys like it!

_Spock,_

_As I have yet to receive any reply from you in the past four correspondents, yet am aware of your replies to your mother, this is my last letter informing you on your impending visit to Vulcan tomorrow. Your shuttle is paid for and your mother, your intended T’Pring, and I will be in the hanger for your arrival at 1900._

_I have a sense that you are displeased with me, my son. Your time is almost upon you and it is imperative you have a bond mate before it is too late. It is for your own well-being, my son._

_-Sarek_

Spock let out an un-Vulcan like sigh at his father’s latest letter. The last few months his father has expressed interest in little else but Spock’s future bonding with T’Pring, a conversation Spock wanted no part of.

With his thirtieth birthday a month behind him, he knew his pon farr was only a month or so away if he was fortunate. And living on earth without a bond mate and with his time lurking, his logical Vulcan half understood his father’s urgency.

It was his human half that dreaded marrying T’Pring.

He made his life on earth and although Vulcan’s didn’t have friends, he couldn’t deny he had formed a bond with a few acquaintances. He had no desire to have a wife on Vulcan, to share his mind with a woman who he knew found his human side lacking and inadequate.

But, as his father said, this was for his own well-being.

As Spock tried to calm his rolling emotions, his communicator alerted him of a message from Nyota. Their friend Gaila’s ‘surprise’ birthday party was only an hour away and she reminded him of his job to pick up the cake.

So Spock put thoughts of T’Pring, bonding, and his father out of his mind and illogically hoped the cake was chocolate.

After a thirty minute wait at the bakery and a cab ride, Spock made it to Nyota’s apartment. He visited there enough that Nyota gave him the access code with permission to let himself in at any time. Still, he never did, excusing a onetime emergency that involved bringing her tampons and red velvet ice cream.

He rang the doorbell. Nyota opened the door with a wide beautiful smile and ushered him indoors. Her hair was, shockingly, down instead of her usual ponytail and her red dress swayed with every move of her hips.

Spock wondered, not for the first time, why their previous relationship ever ended. He found her to be one of the most intelligent woman, besides his mother, he has ever known. He also found her to be attractive and her company was never bothersome or unwanted. With her, he was always content.

That, she said, was the reason she terminated their relationship. She wanted love, she deserved love, not contentment. When he told her that Vulcans could not love she looked at him with sad brown eyes and ended their romantic relationship. They still remained in a relationship akin to friendship (Vulcans do not have friends) and that suited Spock fine.

But with pon farr not too far away, he couldn’t help but hope that Nyota would do him the honor of becoming his wife and save him from bonding with someone he considered a stranger.

Her slender hands took the cake box from his grasp and placed it on the counter, arranging twenty-seven candles on top of the cake.

“I’m happy you could make it Spock. I know you’re doing a lot of overtime at work since you’ll be leaving soon, but I know you being here is the only surprise Gaila’s getting.”

“If the concept of a ‘surprise party’ is for the recipient to experience a state of shock, yet Miss Gaila already has knowledge of the party in question, then why is this not simply named a ‘party’?”

Nyota shook her head in mock exasperation, “Because it was supposed to be a surprise but you know Gaila, no secret is safe from her.”

He nodded his head in agreement. The room was quiet with most of the guests having yet to arrive. As he planned to leave early, and knowing Nyota’s sociable disposition, he thought it an opportune time to ask her to be his wife.

“Nyota, if you have a moment, there is something I need to ask of you.”

Nyota’s face showed concern. “Yeah Spock, what’s wrong?”

Before Spock could get his first word out a red headed man wrapped his arms around Nyota’s waist from behind. Just as he was about to save her from the assaulter, Nyota’s face lit up in a wide grin and laughed.

“Monty! When did you get here?”

“Just now lassie. I saw you standing here and I couldn’t resist.” Scotty kissed her neck and Uhura melted into his embrace. Spock had never seen her so at peace, the last time being when they began their relationship. He knew in this moment asking her to be his mate was no longer an option.

“Spock, this is Montgomery Scott but everyone calls him Scotty. Monty, this is my good friend Spock.” Scotty let go of Nyota’s waist and arranged his hand in a Vulcan salute.

“Pleasure to meet you Mr. Spock. Nyota’s told me a lot about you.”

“I cannot say the same Mr. Scott.”

Scotty lowered his hand awkwardly and Nyota gave Spock a small glare. “Monty, why don’t you put on some music. I’ll be there in a little bit.”

Scotty gave her a peck on the cheek before leaving the kitchen. Nyota fixed Spock with a real glare and put her hands on her hips. “That wasn’t very nice Spock, Scotty was just saying hello. He knows you’re my friend and was really nervous about meeting you tonight.”

“You claim we are friends yet I have never heard of a Mr. Scott despite your apparent fondness of him.”

“Well,” Nyota blushed, “We are getting close but we’re taking it slow for now. I didn’t want to jinx it by telling everybody before we were ready.”

“And you are ready now?”

“We are. It’s been almost a month and it feels right. I’m sorry I did not tell you about him sooner but I really want this to work out.”

Spock had never been adapt at reading human emotion but even he could recognize the hopefulness on Nyota’s face. If she was happy with Mr. Scott then Spock was content. Maybe Mr. Scott could give her everything that he could not.

“No apology is needed where no offense was taken. It is your life and if Mr. Scott gives you happiness then that is what matters.”

Nyota smiled. “Thank you Spock. What you said means a lot to me. Your opinion always does. Now, what did you want to tell me before?”

“It is nothing of importance now.” She looked at him like she knew he was lying but let it go.

After his conversation with Nyota, Spock kept to himself for most of the party, only interacting with Gaila for a moment after she arrived to her ‘surprise’ party. He couldn’t help but be disappointed that his last chance of not bonding with T’Pring was slipping through his fingers. For once, he couldn’t help but wish he were fully human to be saved from his Vulcan biology.

He was caught up in his thoughts and did not notice the human in front of until there was a hand waving inches from his face.

“Hello… anyone home?” Spock’s eyes widened and he grabbed the man’s wrist, careful to take told of the jacket sleeve to avoid skin contact.

“This is not my home but that was your hand in my face.”

“Well I asked you to please move a million times and you weren’t listening. And you’re blocking the bacon shrimp so…” The man made a shooing motion with his hands, too close to Spock’s face again, and Spock never felt more irritated.

“Please step away from me, sir.”

“When you step away from all the food, _sir_.”

Spock glared at him with the intensity he used for incompetent interns but the other man wouldn’t back down and returned a glare just as intense. His striking blue eyes were like steel, piercing Spock’s gaze.

“Looks like Jim and Spock finally met.” Gaila’s voice rang through the kitchen area, ending Jim and Spock’s eye contact. Both looked away from each other and then at Gaila who was leaning against the kitchen island with a smirk on her face. “I knew you guys were either going to hate each other or be best friends. Guess it’s the first one!”

“Gaila,” Jim grinned, “Happy Birthday!”

She rolled her eyes, “Only you would show up to surprise birthday party late and head straight to the buffet Jimmy.”

Jim’s eyes hardened and looked at Spock, “Well I would have if pointy here wasn’t blocking it.”

“Pointy?” Spock asked, “Is that a derogatory reference-”

“Fine, sorry, I would be if the Vulcan zombie here wasn’t blocking it.”

“There is no such thing as zombies, Vulcan or otherwise.”

“Listen you-”

“Alright, alright, stop it you two. Birthday girl’s orders.” Jim lowered his head, properly chastised, while Spock held his head up, ignoring Jim. Gaila sighed, “Spock lets go to the living room and catch up so Jimmy can eat his bacon.”

Spock spared one last look at the insufferable man, who was promptly stuffing his face with food, as Gaila led him out of the kitchen.

“That was fun.”

Spock quirked his eyebrow, “I would not call it so.”

“Well don’t be too quick to judge Jim Kirk. He’s a good guy and is probably just grumpy for working overtime today. He almost didn’t make it here.”

“A keen loss, I am sure.”

Gaila crossed her arms, “You’re a little grumpy today too Mister. Is it because of your trip tomorrow?”

Spock thought of Nyota, who he could not talk about the pon farr to. But Gaila somehow already knew about Vulcan pon farr (he dared not ask how) and while he was uncomfortable speaking about it he had to, as humans said, get it off his chest.

“After this trip I will come back with a mate. A mate I do not want but my father, and my biology, is leaving me little choice in the matter. I was going to ask Nyota-”

“What!”

Her outburst drew the attention of half the room, but her glare quickly made the guests look away. “You were going to ask Ny to marry you?” She yelled and whispered, something Spock always thought was impossible.

“Yes. It was only logical as we were in a romantic relationship and I still find her to be an admirable, intelligent woman. She is an infinitely better choice than bonding to T’Pring.”

“But she’s with Scotty.”

The Vulcan gave her a pointed look and her mouth made a little ‘o’. “I’m sorry Spock that sucks big time. I would help you but you know me and monogamy don’t mix.”

“The sentiment is appreciated.”

“So what are you going you do now?”

“I do not know. My father will not let me leave Vulcan without a mate. He is worried about my time.”

“And there’s not much you can do about that. Unless you meditate it away.”

Spock eyes swam in confusion, “Meditate?”

Gaila shrugged, “I don’t know if it’s true or not but I heard that some Vulcans, if they meditate enough, can will their pon farr away.”

“Does it work?” He asked anxiously.

Gaila glared at him, “Like I said, I don’t know and don’t get any ideas Spock. It’s dangerous and you’re better off being bonded with someone than trying to do that.”

Spock deflated slightly, his brief hope of not getting bonded gone.

“Don’t be sad Spock. Who knows, maybe you and T’Pring might actually get along. Possibly. Maybe you’ll even fall in love.”

Love. Love, Spock thought, was not in a proper Vulcan’s vocabulary. Love was an emotion. If it wasn’t for pon farr, Spock was convinced, Vulcans would only mate for procreation. Love wasn’t logical. And all his thoughts of love, and pon farr, and of bonding gave him such an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

“Please excuse me, Gaila, but I must leave in preparation for leaving tomorrow. I wish you a happy day of birth. Live long and prosper.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Live long and prosper.”

Spock found Nyota to say good bye and she wished him luck on his trip. Too focused on leaving the party he didn’t realize he bumped into someone.

“Sorry man,” Jim turned around and narrowed his eyes in recognition, “Oh, it’s you.”

Spock was tired, stressed, and in no mood for any conversation with the human. “I apologize, excuse me.”

He didn’t stay long enough to see confused blue eyes watch him leave.

* * *

 

Spock meditated through the night after sleep eluded him. The thought of bonding to T’Pring was so abhorrent that his Vulcan imported tea couldn’t even soothe him. So after finishing his morning routines in record time and double packing his luggage, he took a cab to the shuttle base.

He was the first to be seated on the unusually packed trip to Vulcan and couldn’t help but hope that the seat next to him would remain empty. There was one minute until final boarding when a frantic man hefting a duffel bag yelled for the attendant to hold the door. He made it just as it was about to close and sat in the only empty seat left, next to Spock.

The man tried to stop his panting and when he looked up, Spock instantly knew who those blue eyes belonged to.

“Mr. Kirk.”

“Mr. Spock,” Jim said with astonishment, “What are the odds, right?”

“Indeed.”

Jim looked around the shuttle but no empty seats were in sight. “Guess we’re travel buddies.”

“Indeed.”

“Can you say anything other than indeed?”

Spock quirked an eyebrow and tried to quell his satisfaction at Kirk’s indignant huff. It didn’t take long for the shuttle to take off afterwards, with Kirk leaning over his body to look out the window and watch the view of leaving earth’s atmosphere.

“Sorry about that, I just love watching the take off.”

Spock gave the man no attention.

“So are you ignoring me now?”

No response.

“Oh well that’s really mature of you. Very logical.”

No response again. 

“Well I didn’t want to talk to anyway, so there.”

Still nothing.

“Oh my god, you’re so annoying! Okay, I give! I’m sorry about yesterday alright. I worked all day and barely had any lunch and then had to go straight to the party. And after sleeping for like five hours my boss says I have to take the first shuttle to Vulcan for an engineering convention. And now I’m speaking to a guy who I don’t even know or like too much, sorry, but yeah that’s my life.” Kirk ended by taking a huge gulp of air and slumping in his seat.

Despite being called annoying and finding Kirk insufferable as well, he felt slightly intrigued by the man. He also wanted a distraction from what awaited him after landing in Vulcan.

“I am Spock.” Jim turned to him in confusion. “We have yet to properly meet and if we are to be ‘travel buddies’, I think we should have a proper introduction.”

Jim smiled, his blue eyes lighting up. “James Kirk, but everyone calls me Jim.”

“And you are an engineer?”

“Yup, work for Starfleet designing new ships, fixing old ones, working on warp drives, things like that. Don’t get to travel much, besides ship yards and space stations, so that’s why I’m kind of excited for this trip. You?”

“I am also in Starfleet. I am a scientist and I teach at the academy part time.”

“Wow, it’s kind of weird we haven’t met each other yet. We have some of the same friends, we’re both in Starfleet. And in the past 24 hours we’ve seen each other twice already. Crazy huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Indeed.” Jim grinned.

As the hours traveling to Vulcan passed, Spock got to know a little more about James Kirk. He was a stubborn, brash, and loud man but was also intelligent and made for interesting conversation in any subject or topic. Not once in his talks with Kirk did his thoughts drift to what was about to happen once he landed on Vulcan.

It wasn’t until the pilot announced their landing in fifteen minutes that all those thoughts came rushing back.

“Hey man, you alright? You’re looking a little green around the gills if you know what I mean.” Jim asked.

“I am not a man Mr. Kirk, I am a Vulcan. Also, since my blood is green my skin complexion will take on a green hue like how fairer skinned humans take on a pink and red complexion.”

“I get it, you blush green but that still wasn’t answering my question.”

“If you must know Mr. Kirk, once this shuttle lands on Vulcan my life will be forever changed. A change I am not anticipating.”

“What is it? You didn’t knock anyone up did you?”

Spock shot him a glare. “No, I did not. My father has arranged for me to marry a woman I barely know. And when Vulcans mate they mate for life.”

Jim whistled, “That’s heavy. I’m sorry dude, that sucks. I don’t know how I would react if I had to go through an arranged marriage or even regular marriage for that matter.” He joked.

“This is not humorous.”

“Oh come on, I’m just lightening the mood a little. And if you don’t want to marry her, don’t marry her. Tell your dad to stick it where the sun don’t shine.”

“What you said makes no sense.”

“Your hair makes no sense.”

The lights in the shuttle began to flash which meant the shuttle had landed. Passengers began to leave their seats as the attendants told them where they could pick up their luggage after departure. Jim grabbed his bag from below his seat and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Well, it was nice chatting with you. I hope the whole marriage thing works out for you. Hit me up in San Francisco when you get back.”

“Why would I ‘hit you up’? You may be bothersome Mr. Kirk but I do not wish to inflict any physical harm upon you.”

Jim gave him a blank stare. “Wow. Your wife is going to be one real lucky lady, you sweet talker.”

“Thank you.”

Jim’s laughed as he exited the shuttle, Spock following behind. His stomach churned at the thought of getting off the shuttle and seeing his parents and T’Pring waiting for him. Sure, enough he saw them standing near the baggage area. T’Pring with her hair intricately tied up, her clothes of the highest Vulcan fashions, and her mouth set in a disdainful line. His mother, who he adored above all others, stood ramrod straight next to her but even he could see she was uncomfortable. And then there was his father, who looked indifferent but Spock could see the anxious twitch of his hand and the slight frown on his lips.

And he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t marry T’Pring. He would rather suffer the throes of the plak tow a hundred times over than join his mind with hers to appease his father.

His mother caught his eyes and smiled and Spock knew he had to act quickly before it was too late. He looked around the shuttle bay, searching for an answer until his eyes fell on Jim. He was only a few feet away on his padd, his brow furrowed in concentration. Spock did not know what came over him in that moment and years from now looking back he still would not know. Maybe it was because of all the old earth movies Nyota and Gaila made him watch or maybe it was the feeling in his gut that made him hatch his plan. All he knew was that he was not thinking clearly when he reached out and pulled Jim Kirk close to him and kissed him on the lips.

Jim’s blue eyes widen as felt the Vulcan’s lips on his own and Spock tried his best to shield his mind from Jim’s thoughts. The kiss was no more than the smack of two pairs of lips touching but that didn’t stop the small tingle that ran through both their bodies.

Spock was the first to pull away to see the utter look of disbelief on Jim’s face. “Umm… what was that?” He did not sound angry or upset, merely confused. Spock was thankful for it.

“I will explain later but I beg of you to please follow my lead and do exactly as I say for the next five minutes.”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

“Because although you are an insufferable man I also know you are a compassionate one. And you also fell asleep and drooled on my shoulder for two hours so, as humans say, you owe me one.” 

Jim rolled his eyes, “Fine. But no more kissing. I haven’t brushed my teeth since last night.”

“I am well aware of that fact.”

“Hey!”

Spock took the bag from Jim and swung it over his shoulder and rested his arm around Jim’s waist. “Follow me.” He whispered.  

They walked towards Spock’s parents and T’Pring. Spock’s father glared at his son while Amanda forced a welcoming smile on her face. T’Pring seemed miffed but also more relaxed and relieved than Spock had ever seen her.

“Mother, father, T’Pring. I trust you all were not waiting too long.”

Amanda’s eyes darted back and forth between her son and Jim, “No, not at all Spock. I’m glad you made it here alright. Who is your… friend?”

“My apologies mother. May I introduce you to my mate, James Kirk.”

“Oh, boy.” Jim murmured.

“Spock,” Sarek said angrily, “What is the meaning of this.”

“There is no meaning father,” he replied coolly, “James is my husband. We have bonded in the human way and hope to solidify it in the Vulcan custom. As you have instructed.”

“Husband?” Amanda asked disappointedly, “You got married and didn’t invite your mother?”

“Amanda.” Sarek reprimanded.

“What? I’m not allowed to be upset my son didn’t invite me to his wedding?”

“I apologize mother,” Spock said, “We eloped and did not have time to invite you.”

“That’s no excuse Spock. Why didn’t you tell me you were getting married or even dating for that matter?”

“Indeed Spock, explain.” Sarek ordered.

“Of course father. Perhaps we should go home first and rest after our long travel. James is fatigued.”

“Don’t drag me into this.” Jim whispered.

“As you can see he is behaving irritably.”

Sarek looked at both men, a thunderous look in his eyes, before taking a small breath. “Very well. Come T’Pring, I will send a cab home for you. I apologize for the actions of my son and tell your father I will speak to him shortly.”

“It is of no consequence,” T’Pring replied and faced Spock, “It is of no great loss to me.” She stalked off with Sarek following her.

That left Spock, Jim, and Amanda alone. Spock had his hands behind his back, seemingly unfazed, but the humans stood there, unsure of what to say or do.

“Well,” Amanda said, “I suppose I should follow your father now Spock. It was nice meeting you James.”

“Ma’am.”

“Mother.”

As she walked away Jim called out, “For the record, I totally wanted you at the wedding.”

She turned and gave him a small smile but once she was out of eye-sight Jim punched Spock in the arm. “What the hell Spock! Man, I knew you were a sassy son of a bitch but I didn’t know you were a rebellious little shit with daddy issues. And that’s coming from me!”

 “Jim I-”

“I mean seriously, married? You actually told them we are married! Do you seriously think I’m going to go along with this?”

“Jim please, please I beg you listen to me.” Spock spoke with such desperation and pleading that it shut Jim up. “I never intended to bring you into this and you can leave if you wish, but I could not marry T’Pring. I could not. I do not know what came over me but I would be forever in your debt if you help me. Please.”

Jim crossed his arms and sighed, “I don’t know Spock. I mean I could see why you didn’t want to marry her, she seemed kind of bitchy and all. But I just met you. I barely know you and now you want me to play your husband. This sounds crazy especially coming from a Vulcan.”

“Yet I am half human.” Jim didn’t need Vulcan telepathy to understand the unspoken ‘unfortunately’ in his voice. And if this was anyone else Jim would have called them crazy and left. But he saw himself in Spock. No matter how different they may be, he felt they shared the same craziness, no matter how much Spock may protest it, and felt they were two sides of the same coin. And he couldn’t let him down.

“Fine. This is crazy and ridiculous and insane but anyone who knows me knows I’m all those things. Looks like you’ve found yourself a husband Mr. Spock.”

If Spock were fully human he would have sighed in relief. “Thank you Mr. Kirk. I will pay you in compensation for all your troubles.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t need your money. And call me Jim, we’re married now, _hubby_.” He said with his most winning smile.

Spock closed his eyes. “I will regret this, will I not?”

“That’s the spirit.”

* * *

 

Fortunately, Sarek and Amanda took one cab while Jim and Spock took another so there wasn’t any awkwardness. Mostly.

“So… what’s the plan exactly?” Jim asked.

“We will go to my family’s home, I will explain to my parents the situation, they will believe I have bonded and they will not force me to marry T’Pring or any other stranger again.”

“Uh-huh. So what’s our background?”

“Excuse me?”

Jim sighed, “Please tell me I’m not going to be the more logical one in this relationship. What’s going to be our story? Your mom’s going to ask questions on how we met, how we fell in love etcetera. We have to be on the same page.”

“What is wrong with the truth?”

“Oh, now you want to be truthful?” Jim said incredulously. “And meeting in the kitchen at a birthday party near bacon wrapped shrimp isn’t exactly a love song Spock.”

 Spock thought it over for a moment, realizing having a fake husband was tougher than he originally thought. It didn’t help that this was his first time lying (blatantly). “Since we both work in Starfleet that would be the most logical place for us to meet.”

Jim put his hands on his face in a thinking pose, “Logical but not really romantic. Oh! How about we say we met at Starfleet’s annual gala and our eyes met across the room and I was so handsome you had to say hello and then we danced and fell in love!” He finished exuberantly.

Spock merely raised an eyebrow and Jim deflated with a pout. “Fine. Have it your way Mister Romantic.”

The cab came to a stop and Jim stepped out, gapping at what he saw. “You live _here_?”

Spock opened the trunk to retrieve their luggage. “My parents live here. I have not since I was eighteen.”

“But you're rich! This place is like a mansion.”

Spock said nothing further as he led them to the door. His mother immediately opened it before he had a chance to knock.

“Spock, James. You’re just in time for dinner.”

Spock noticed his mother moving with nervous energy and for the first time was worried about confronting his father.

“You have a lovely home ma’am,” Jim said genially, “And you can call me Jim.”

“Thank you Jim. Let me put your bags in Spock’s room. Spock, take Jim to the dining room, your father’s waiting.” Spock could hear the warning in his mother’s voice.

“I’m kind of freaked out,” Jim whispered to him, “Too late to back out?”

Dread filled Spock’s entire being but he composed himself. “If that is what you wish. You are not obligated to stay.”

Jim lightly touched his shoulder which caused the Vulcan to flinch. “Hey, relax, I was joking. To be honest, I’m actually curious on how this is going to turn out. And your old man can’t be that bad.”

“We shall see.”

Sarek waited for them at the head of the table, his face the epitome of pissed off. Jim never experienced the ‘meet the parents’ part of a relationship and knew it was just his luck that he had to do it when it was fake.

Spock sat to his father’s left and Jim next to him, not wanting to be anywhere near Sarek. The Vulcans said nothing and didn’t spare each other a glance as they waited for Amanda. Jim sensed that she tended to be a buffer between the two and he really hoped he wouldn’t be playing that part during his stay. He hated diplomacy.

Luckily Amanda entered the room carrying a bowl of salad as a maid carried the main dish. The clink of their shoes and the food being arranged on the table were the only sounds in the room. For minutes they sat in silence until Amanda cleared her throat. “Spock, I made plomeek soup, your favorite. And Sarek, I made your favorite salad. I suggest you eat before it gets cold.” It was less of a suggestion and more of a demand. In their intense quiet game, Jim thought they would ignore her but she must have broken the spell on them because they plated their dinner instantly.

Jim didn’t know what plomeek was and the only thing he recognized in the salad was lettuce but he didn’t want to insult his ‘mother-in-law’ so he put the food on his plate. Surprisingly, he enjoyed the soup although it was a little bland for his tastes.

“This soup is delicious ma’am. You have to give me the recipe so I can make it for Spock sometime.” Jim knew he was being butt-kissy but the chance of winning Spock’s dad over was minimal so he might as well go all out with his mom.

Amanda smiled at him. “Thank you Jim. It’s been Spock’s favorite since he was a boy. I make it for him every time he visits. Which isn’t nearly enough.”

Spock ducked his head in embarrassment. “You know my work is busy mother.”

“I know honey. Is that where you met Jim, at work?”

Jim was excited at his chance to tell her their imagined love story but Spock beat him to it. “Yes. Jim also works at Starfleet in engineering.”

“When did you two start dating? You haven’t mentioned him in any of our video calls.”

Jim could see Spock’s hand clench under the table. For a guy who wanted a fake husband, he looked really uncomfortable lying.

“We started dating three months ago, right after we met,” Jim said, “And we wanted to take it slow at first but we hit off instantly and marriage seemed like the next logical step, as Spock put it. Right sweetheart?”

Spock was none too pleased at the nickname but was grateful for Jim’s help. “Yes. Most logical.”

“Logical,” Sarek interrupted, his low voice vibrating off the walls, “Logical would have been marrying T’Pring like we agreed upon since you were a child.”

“Sarek,” Amanda chastised.

“ _We_ did not agree on that,” Spock said tersely, “You did. I chose to marry Jim, not T’Pring.”

“Like you illogically chose Starfleet over the Vulcan Science Academy.”

“Are you comparing choosing my mate to my choice to join Starfleet?”

“Spock-” Jim said worriedly.

“I said no such thing,” Sarek interrupted, “I am merely pointing out your record at behaving illogical and abandoning your Vulcan heritage.”

“Sp-pock I think I’m-”

“And this proves you have a record forcing me to-”

“Spock! I’m having an allergic reaction!”

All eyes turned to Jim as he clutched his swollen throat, his face quickly turning red.

“Oh my God!” Amanda exclaimed.

“Jim!” Spock panicked.

“My bag,” Jim chocked out, “hypos in my bag.”

Amanda ran straight out the room and Spock wished he would have reacted as quickly. He had no idea what to do.

“Looks like your gonna be a widow, huh?”

Spock’s eyes narrowed, “Do not joke. You will be fine.” But Jim did not look well. His face swelled as the seconds ticked by and was wheezing for air. He knew this was his fault for bringing Jim into his problem and wanted to comfort him somehow. He grabbed Jim’s hand, something Nyota used to do when he was distressed, transferring as much calm as he could to Jim.

Jim squeezed back with Spock feeling all his pain that Jim did not show physically. Spock had to fight his desire to block his emotions and project the calm he did not feel instead.

Amanda ran back into the room and to Jim’s side, angling his neck so she could inject the hypo. There was a tiny hiss and suddenly Jim could breathe again, taking in huge gulps of air.

“Sarek, call the healer now. Spock, help get Jim to your room so he can rest.” Sarek did as told but Spock still sat immobilized, clutching Jim’s hand.

“Spock,” Jim whispered in a gravelly voice, “It’s okay, I’m fine. I just need to lie down for a bit.”

 Spock closed his eyes reigning in his emotions. “I am sorry.”

“Stop. It wasn’t your fault.”

He said nothing as he helped his mother lead Jim to his bedroom. The family healer arrived shortly after, giving Jim another hypo. He diagnosed that he had an allergic reaction to the Vulcan dressing in the salad but would be fine.

But Spock wasn’t fine as he waited with his mother for Jim to wake from his nap. After a long flight to Vulcan and his allergic reaction, Jim fell asleep the instant he hit the bed.

“I am so sorry Spock,” Amanda whispered, clutching her cup of tea, “I had no idea he would be allergic to anything I made. I feel so guilty.”

“Do not blame yourself mother,” Spock automatically said, “The fault was my own. It is because of me Jim had an allergic reaction tonight.”

“It was my food that almost killed him. I almost _killed_ your husband Spock.” Her hands shook and tea spilled out of the cup with every jolt. Spock took the cup and placed it on the table and held her wrists to keep them steady.

“Actually it’s my fault,” Both stood abruptly as Jim entered the room, hands running through his sleep rumpled hair, “I should have scanned the food before eating it like Bones, my doctor friend, said too. I’m allergic to like a million things on earth and should have known it wouldn’t be that different here.”

Amanda walked up to him and embraced him in a hug. Jim’s eyes widened in surprise but tentively hugged the worried woman back. “I’m so sorry Jim. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Nothing to apologize for ma’am.”

“Call me Amanda. Ma’am is too formal for a woman who almost killed you.”

Jim laughed. “But you saved me too, technically.”

She smiled at him. “I suppose. Are you allergic to chocolate chip cookies?” He shook his head. “Good, I will make you some as an I’m sorry gift. And then we can put this horrible night behind us. Deal?”

Jim nodded and Amanda left the room, giving Spock a last remorseful look. Spock knew Vulcan’s were not supposed to feel guilt but he felt it nevertheless. Guilt for his mother’s worry and for causing Jim any pain. This charade had to stop.

“I will call for your transportation. I will book you a reservation at the city’s best hotel and pay you compensation for all you have done for me.”

Jim stared at him quizzically, “What are you talking about?”

“Your agreement to help me. It is terminated.”

“What?”

“I am no longer in need of your services, you are free to leave. Excuse me.” Spock walked to his room, ignoring Jim’s footsteps behind him. He sighed in relief as the doors closed behind him but they opened again. He could feel Jim’ anger rolling off him even from across the room.

“So you’re giving up now, is that it? One little mishap and it’s over.”

“I almost killed you Mister Kirk.”

“Don’t you Mister Kirk me. Let’s talk this out.”

“There is nothing to discuss.”

“Spock I’m not going to leave now. Not after what I saw.”

“And what did you see?”

“You and your father,” he whispered, “I don’t know your full story but I can tell you have a fucked up relationship. And if me being here can help in anyway then I’m staying.”

Spock looked at his blue eyes filled with determination and fight. “Why do you want to help me? What do you gain?”

Jim’s eyes dimmed. “Nothing. But I know what it’s like to have people disappointed in you. Telling you what and what not to do and later hating you for not meeting expectations. You shouldn’t feel like that. No one should feel like that.”

They said nothing for minutes. Spock was still at a loss as for why a stranger wanted to help him so much. Part of him wanted Jim as far away as possible after what Spock did to him but another part was grateful for his help. He knew that if he told his father the truth now he would be forced to bond with T’Pring and the rift between him and his father would continue to grow.

“Thank you.”

Jim nodded and sat down on the bed, rubbing his face in exhaustion. “So what was I allergic to anyway?”

“The salad dressing.”

Jim let out a booming laugh. “Are you serious? A salad? Man I’m never letting Bones live this down.”

“Bones? An unusual name for a doctor and a human being.”

“It’s just his nickname. His real name is Leonard McCoy. I actually have a feeling you two would get along great.”

“Indeed.”

“Yup,” Jim yawned. “Anyway, I’m beat. Is it okay if I sleep for like ten hours?”

“Of course. The adjoining bathroom is through that door if you need to make nighttime preparations.”

“Yeah thanks. I think I’ll take a quick shower first.”

Spock used the guest bathroom to take a sonic shower and when he came back Jim was still using his bathroom. He made his bed for Jim to sleep in and pulled out his mat for a night of meditation. He almost began before the door opened and Jim walked out in nothing but a towel wrapped around his narrow waist. His wet body glistened and his blond hair fell over his blue eyes in a way that made Spock want to reach out and touch. He clenched his hands, reprimanding himself on his human like thoughts. Perhaps the pon farr was falling upon him sooner than expected

“Sorry, I forgot my clothes.” Jim bent over his duffel bag and rummaged through it. The towel was slipping lower and lower exposing his ass. Jim raised it up before it got too low. Spock was illogically disappointed and knew he had a long week of meditation to come.

* * *

 

Spock started his morning routine earlier than usual after a pitiful night of meditation. His confrontation with his father and Jim’s allergic reaction, along with his non-stop snoring, kept him from reaching any meaningful meditation. He decided to make some tea to calm his restless mind and spend time in his mother’s garden. As a child he used to sit there for hours as he watched his mother work on maintaining her earth vegetables and flowers. It was a difficult task for her even in the environmentally controlled garden. And being surrounded by the foliage from his mother’s world and the landscape of his father’s gave him a sense of peace. The greens of earth complimented the red sands of Vulcan and harmonized in a way his own soul never felt.

“Spock.”

The voice of his father penetrated the silent morning air. Spock tensed instantly, his words from yesterday still a raw wound in his mind.

“Father. You are awake early.”

“The same could be said for yourself.”

“Jim snores are distracting.”

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “And you have not adapted to your husband’s quirks?”

“He snores loudly.”

He nodded and sat down on the bench next to Spock. “When I first married your mother, she used to kick in her sleep. It was most inconvenient.”

Spock looked at his father suspiciously. He hardly ever engaged in small talk unless he was on diplomatic mission with species who did so. For him to do so now, especially after yesterday, was puzzling to say the least.

“Is there something you need father?”

Sarek sat up straighter, his body slightly tense. “Your mother and I spoke last night and she… expressed to me that I may have been behaving inappropriately last night. James is your husband and is now part of our clan. I… apologize if I ‘crossed a line’ in respect to you and James.”

Spock’s eyes widen. He could not remember the last time his father had ever apologized to him. No doubt this was his mother’s influence but he knew this was difficult for his proud father to say.

“Thank you. I apologize for my behavior as well.”

Sarek acknowledged his apology with a small nod. Spock didn’t think his father would want to say anymore but he surprised him again. “My son, although having a human mate has its advantages, you must know it will not be easy.”

“What do you mean?”

“As you know, humans allow their emotions to control them. They expect their level of affection to be reciprocated. Something that we as Vulcans cannot fully give.”

Spock recalled his relationship with Nyota. She was very logical by human standards and surprisingly understanding in knowing what Spock could and could not give her in their relationship. She hid her emotions well but he knew that she wasn’t satisfied by his lack of affection.

“I understand.”

“Also, humans do not live as long as Vulcans. I know your mother and I have many more decades together before…” He paused, his usually stoic face becoming soft for a moment. “I will have more years without her than I will with her. One day, like for yourself, it will be necessary for me to mate again. Are you prepared for what mating with James will mean?”

Spock didn’t answer and father and son sat in awkward silence. Spock did not want to hear about a world where his mother was not in it or his father with another woman. This was also the first time his father and he had an honest conversation but it was built on a false pretense. Spock's guilt gnawed at him again. They were saved when Amanda entered the garden wearing her sleeping robe.

“Spock, what is Jim’s favorite breakfast? Preferably something he’s not allergic to.”

Spock did not know what Jim’s favorite breakfast was but he now knew what he was allergic to after asking Gaila to send him Jim’s allergy list last night. It surprised him that Jim was able to walk outside and not become sick.

“He is not allergic to strawberry pancakes.”

She smirked. “Is that really his favorite because I seem to remember a little boy who used to-”

“I am sure.” He interrupted before she could share another of his childhood stories.

“Alright then. Both of you get ready so we can have a _nice_ breakfast.” She warned.

“Yes mother.”

“Yes my wife.”

They made their way inside and saw Jim looking rummaging through the kitchen.

“Is there something you need Jim?” Amanda asked.

Jim turned around and flashed a smile. “Yeah actually, do you guys have a coffee machine? I would use the replicator but this time difference is throwing me off and I just want to drink the real thing, you know?”

“Of course,” she nodded understandingly. “I’ve become more of tea drinker in the past years but I still have an old coffee machine for those days when tea just doesn’t cut it. Let me make you coffee and some strawberry pancakes. _Your_ favorite.”

“Oh, really,” Jim smirked at Spock as he feigned innocence. “I wonder where she heard that, sweetheart.”

“I do not know what you two are talking about.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Anyway, after breakfast can you call me a cab? I need to be at the convention center at 0900.”

Amanda stopped cutting the berries immediately. “Leaving? Why are you leaving so soon?”

Jim shook his head. “No ma’am… I mean Amanda.  After Starfleet heard I was coming down here with Spock they thought they might as well make me go to the engineering convention over here too.”

She shook her head. “What a shame. I remember Starfleet having more class then making a man work on his vacation.”

Jim shrugged. “Work is work no matter where you’re at. And it’s only for a couple hours for the next two days. I should be back before dinner.”

“That’s good. And I can call a cab for you or Spock could take you in Sarek’s car if he wants.”

Jim turned to him. “That’s okay with you? I don’t mind taking the cab.”

Spock stood straighter and tried to play the part of a caring husband. “There is no need for a cab Jim. I will take you. You know you need only ask and I will help you always.”

Jim stifled a laugh and Amanda awed. “I knew I raised you right.”

“Mother,” he blushed.

Jim laughed this time. “But she did. He’s such a gentleman Amanda. Pulls out my chairs, opens my jars and everything.”

“Should you be getting ready, Jim.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright I’m going. Yeesh. Take a compliment honey bear.”

Spock glared and Jim ran back to his room laughing.

“I like him, Spock,” His mother said as she stirred the pancake batter. “He’s sweet to you. And you seem to care for him very much too.”

 Spock barely knew Jim, hardly enough that he cared about him. He was obviously a better actor than he originally thought.

“He is my husband. Why would I not?”

“I know. I just never thought I would see you married to someone you chose and who chose you back. If I’m being honest Spock, I never wanted you to marry T’Pring.”

“You did not?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I would have been fine with it if I knew you loved her and she loved you. But you both didn’t and I didn’t want you mated for the rest of your life to someone you had no feelings for. That’s not what a marriage is about.”

Spock did not know what to say. She never told him how she felt about T’Pring and what she wanted for him. To hear her say all she wanted for him was to love was perplexing. Did she not realize by now that Vulcans could not love? He decided not to say anything, wanting to keep his mother in a pleasant mood.

Breakfast was a calm event. Sarek and Spock found it best if they kept their mouths shut and let the humans do all the talking. Jim turned out to be an amazing actor. Any question Amanda asked about their relationship, Jim had a logical and believable answer. He was charismatic, charming, and was able to make his mother laugh. Spock could easily see him as diplomat if he chose to do so.

The only thing he did not like so much was Jim’s incessant use of nicknames. But if this was a way to make their marriage look believable then Spock had no reason to argue with him.

After breakfast, Spock drove Jim into the city. Jim wore his gray Starfleet uniform and kept picking at its collar. He was also unusually quiet, which Spock knew even after two days, was uncommon for the human.

“Your mom’s really nice,” Jim finally said in a soft voice, “I feel kind of bad, actually.”

“Why would you feel bad?” Spock replied.

“For lying. I don’t mind helping you out but when she finds out we’re not married…”

“She will not.”

“Yes she will. We can’t do this forever. I don’t think I can stay on this hot ass planet for more than a week, to be honest.”

Spock reigned in his panic. He knew logically this charade couldn’t go on forever but the thought of his parents realizing the truth was unacceptable right now.

“Hey don’t freak out,” Jim said concerned. “How many times do I have to tell you I’m here to help? Let’s take this one day at a time. I’m sure you’ll figure something out. This isn’t life or death, right?” he joked.

_Not for you._ “Indeed.”

Spock pulled up to the overcrowded convention center. Initially he was going to drop Jim off at the entrance and then leave but suddenly felt uncomfortable leaving Jim alone in a city he has never been to before. Although he knew Jim was likely to stay in the one building and that odds were low he would be harmed in a venue of mostly Vulcans, Spock still felt a wrongness inside of him. Besides, he almost had harm fall upon Jim once and as his fake husband and host it was his responsibility to look after him. Logically.

“Hey, hey what are you doing?” Jim asked.

Spock entered into the parking lot. “I am looking for a parking spot.”

“Why? Just drop me off in the front.”

“I am going with you.”

“Seriously? You’re just full of surprises aren’t you?”

“I do not try to be.”

“But you are.” Jim smiled. “Fine. You can stay but don’t complain to me when you get bored and want to leave. That’s my job.”

The conferences were just as boring as Jim expected them to be. Part of the time was spent sitting in an uncomfortable chair listening to people drown on about ‘new’ and ‘exciting’ discoveries being made in the world of ship technology. That was at least a little more preferable then speaking to other engineers who wanted to sell him their insane theories just to make a name for themselves. By the time lunch came around Jim already had a headache. He hated events like this and would rather be back in his lab actually doing work and testing ideas instead of listening to them. It was a surprise to him that Spock hanging by his side was the only thing good about the conference. He was obviously not enjoying himself but knowing that someone was having a worse time with him made the whole thing better.

Lunch time eventually arrived and the cafeteria had a variety of Vulcan foods but also had some human and other alien ones. Jim usually stuck with the foods he knew but after the plomeek yesterday, he craved something more local. Even the lack of meat didn’t deter him. He eyed an eggplant looking dish with an orange colored sauce and put it on his tray but then Spock took it away.

“Hey! Get your own food man. I’m hungry.”

“Considering your allergies, I do not think eating this will be safe.”

“What, am I allergic to something in it?”

“I do not know. But considering your aversion to Vulcan foods, it is best not to risk it.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Just because I was allergic to one thing here doesn’t mean I’ll be allergic to everything. Besides, I got a hypo in my pocket just in case.”

“You will not take that chance.”

Jim eyes narrowed. “What’s your deal with always keeping me from food? I know how to take care of myself Spock. I’ve done it for most of my life and I’m still standing and I don’t need anyone’s help. So back off.”

They stared intensely at the other. Spock did not want a repeat of yesterday. He didn’t want to feel that fear and guilt again. But Jim was stubborn, the look in his eyes were in no way going to back down. And he had a point. It was none of its business, fake husband or not.

Spock backed down. “As you wish.”

They took their meals to an empty table, Jim’s anger still present. Jim stabbed at his food and shoved it in his mouth all the while glaring at Spock. He swallowed the food and when nothing deadly happened he smirked.

“Oh would you look at that. Still alive. Feeling illogical Spock-ums?”

“Caution is not illogical. And do not call me that.”

“Oh, just admit you were being unreasonable,” His smirk grew. “Or maybe you were nervous about me. Do you actually care Spocky?”

“I will admit no such thing. And do-”

“Oh shit.” Jim interrupted. His eyes were widened in shock.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t look back but I think I see your ex-fiancé. And I think she found a new boyfriend.”

Spock didn’t listen and turned his head around. It was T’Pring, looking as elegant as always, and standing next to her was none other than Stonn. He wasn’t surprised to see them together. They had been close since they were young and only grew closer as they reached their teenage and adult years. Spock suspected Stonn had romantic feeling for T’Pring and with the way T’Pring clutched his arm it seemed reciprocated.

Jim whistled. “Damn does she move fast. It’s been like what, a day? Dude, you dodged a bullet.”

“And yet I am sitting here with you.”

“Ha-ha, you’re a comedian,” he looked over Spock’s shoulder and saw T’Pring glaring at him. “Shit, she found us. Quick, scoot closer.” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look,” Jim whispered. “She thinks we’re together, remember? Now hurry up and pretend we’re in love.”

Spock moved his chair closer and put his arm around Jim’s chair, lightly touching his back. Jim positioned his body near Spock’s and rested his hand on his knee. The pressure of his thumb caused an involuntary shiver down Spock’s spine.  

T’Pring and Stonn walked towards them, a hardly contained fury in her eyes and disdain in his. “Spock. What brings you here with your _husband_?”

“Jim is here on conference for Starfleet. I am here for support as one should do for their bondmate.”

“I see,” She pursed her lips. “Then you are still pretending to be married.”

Jim gripped Spock’s knee tighter and Spock quelled his own panic. “What do you mean?”

“You may have your parents fooled Spock but I know you better than you may think. If you recall, we have melded before. I have seen your mind and know you are incapable of satisfying a mate. It was true for me and it is true for him. This is obviously a deceit because this man, nor any other, can possibly love you.”

It was deadly silent. Even Stonn shifted awkwardly. Spock could feel Jim squeeze his knee once more but this time in anger. He stood up and looked down at T’Pring, and to her credit, she barely flinched. “Now listen. Don’t ever, ever talk to Spock like that again. And we are not pretending. I love this crazy Vulcan and he doesn’t deserve to be talked about that way, I don’t care how pissed you are. I love him and he loves me so you’re just going to deal. And for the record, he is way more than satisfying, both emotionally _and_ physically.”

Jim bent down and pulled Spock up until their bodies and lips touched. Spock’s eyes widen as Jim moved his lips eagerly over his own. Spock couldn’t stop the way his body reacted and kissed him back. Their mouths moved together and Jim slipped his tongue in, moaning as he did so. His moans sent sparks through Spock’s body and he gripped Jim’s hips close until there was no space between them.

He didn’t know how much time passed when Jim pulled away taking in air. Spock too had trouble breathing and had to step back to regain control.

“See,” Jim licked his lips. “Not faking.”

T’Pring glared at the couple and walked away with Stonn following close behind. Spock stared at Jim who was blushing. His skin turned an appealing shade of red as he chuckled lightly. “Well we sure showed them huh?”

“Indeed.”

“Yeah.”

“Yes.”

Jim sighed. “I’m sorry. This is super awkward. I shouldn’t have done that. I was just… just really caught up in the moment. She really pissed me off, what she said to you. For a Vulcan she was acting pretty illogical.”

“There is no need to apologize. I… appreciate what you said. It was not needed but…”

“But…”

“Thank you.”

Jim smiled and Spock had to look away to keep from staring. “You would have done the same for me. Probably. You’re not as bad as she says you are.”

“As bad?” Spock replied.

“Yup,” He laughed. “I mean _physically_ you could have used a little less tongue.”

Spock’s ears turned green. Jim chuckled and patted Spock on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get to that last meeting and we can leave.”

“You do not wish to finish your meal?”

“Nah. I don’t really like it that much.”

* * *

 

The rest of the conference was as pointless as Jim thought it would be. He even caught Spock drowse off a few times but he adamantly insisted he was ‘meditating’. They entered the house to see Amanda on her padd in the living room.

“Mother,” Spock questioned. “Why are not preparing dinner?”

“Rude Spock.” Jim elbowed him.

“No, that’s alright Jim. I am usually cooking around this time. But Sarek thought it would be nice if we went out for dinner tonight.”

“That’s nice of him. Do I have enough time to shower and change?”

“Yes, you have about an hour until Sarek says we are going to be ‘late’.”

“I know how that is, right sweetie pie?”

“No Jim, I do not.” Spock said.

“Liar.”

“I am not.”

“You and your father do hate being late Spock.” Amanda chimed in. Spock looked between both smirking humans and felt a mixture of irritation and fondness. He was used to the later when it applied to his mother but to feel the same emotion when it concerned Jim was… jarring to say the least.

“Perhaps.” He finally said after a few moments.

“Ding, ding, ding,” Jim said triumphantly. “Humans one, Vulcans zero.”

“With you around, I may win against these Vulcans yet.” She smiled. Jim smiled back and Spock felt an illogical fluttering in his stomach. He obviously needed more meditation.

Spock and Jim left to get ready for dinner. Spock used the guest bathroom again while Jim used his. As he put on his boots Jim came out wearing a bathrobe. He was both thankful and disappointed he wasn’t in just a towel like yesterday.

“Spock, how fancy do you think this restaurant is supposed to be?”

“I suppose my father plans to eat at the same restaurant we always frequent. It is one of the best in the city.”

Jim sighed. “That’s what I was afraid of. I didn’t exactly plan for this kind of trip. The fanciest thing I have is my uniform but I’ve worn that itchy thing all day. Got any clothes I could borrow?”

Spock opened his closet and shifted through his current and old clothes. His older ones were mostly of a Vulcan style which Jim made a face at. His current wardrobe consisted of a few Vulcan robes and sweaters both of Earth and Vulcan design. Jim picked out a dark blue and grey sweater. “These aren’t so bad,” He held them up in front of the mirror and switched them back and forth. “Which one do you like?”

Spock had no interest in fashion and chose comfort over style more often than not. Nyota used to ask questions like this but stopped trying after Spock said he liked her in the green dress when it was obvious the black skirt and red top combo was better for the occasion. Obviously.  

“Whatever one you think is best.”

“Well, what one do you think is best?”

“It does not matter what I think. It is you who will wear it.”

“Hey, I’m trying to look good for my man.”

“I am not a man, I am a Vulcan.”

“You suck the fun out of everything,” Jim inspected the blue sweater and put the other one away. “I guess I’ll wear this one.”

He went back into the bathroom to change and soon came out wearing black slacks and the sweater. Spock thought the dark blue played off his light blue eyes nicely. And he felt illogically pleased to see Jim in shirt.

“I can’t believe I’m wearing a sweater on this fire planet. Do I look okay? It’s not too tight you think?”

“You look… fine.”

“Fine?” Jim looked Spock over and walked until they stood chest to chest. He reached out and adjusted the collar on Spock’s shirt, his deft fingers just barely touching his neck. Spock could smell his cologne and found the scent most alluring. Meditation was _definitely_ needed.

“There,” Jim cleared his raspy voice. “All fixed up. Now you look fine too.”

“Thank you.” His voice also was lower than usual. They both stood too close. So close that Spock saw the individual lashes framing Jim’s blue eyes and Jim saw the different shades of brown in Spock’s. They couldn’t look away.

A knock at the door brought them back to reality. Spock stepped back and Jim rushed back into the bathroom. He stifled a sigh and ordered the door open. His mother was there with an expectant smile and told him it was almost time to leave. Spock simply nodded his head and Amanda looked at her son in concern. “Spock, are you alright?”

“Yes, mother I am fine. We will be ready momentarily.”

She frowned and gave him a curious look before walking away. Spock looked back to where Jim had stood. He didn’t know what was happening between them. Didn’t know what he would have done if they weren’t interrupted. The pull he felt toward Jim was disturbing and enthralling all at once. But he knew he had to keep it under control. To act on it would be irresponsible.

The rest of the night was awkward for the two of them. Jim barely looked him in the eyes when he came out the bathroom and said nothing to him. But when they were in Amanda or Sarek’s company he was all smiles, laughs, light touches and pet names once more. Spock would never admit feeling irritation but if he had to, now would be the time. The connection he and Jim were beginning to share was lost, an invisible shield in its place.

Jim’s detached demeanor with Spock didn’t end when they came back from dinner, which was again carried by Jim and Amanda’s budding friendship. Spock wasn’t sure how much of a facade Jim put on around his mother but he didn’t think it was too exaggerated if his lively smiles and laughs were anything to go by.

Jim went straight toward the bathroom after entering Spock’s room, presumably to change. Spock took off his clothes and exchanged them for a meditation robe. He unfolded his mat and lit a few candles when he heard the door swish open. Jim walked in wearing light pajama pants and an Academy shirt and began stripping the bed of its comforter and decorative pillows. Spock watched Jim, waiting for the usually talkative man to say a word to him. The way he was ignored tonight was strangely uncomfortable considering Spock never enjoyed meaningless chit chat.  

Jim settled into the bed and took out his padd to go over messages. He ignored Spock’s unyielding gaze. After what happened, what could have happened, being near Spock was messing with his mind. This was supposed to be pretend but the longer he was here the less it felt like it.

“Jim,” Spock’s cool voice startled him and he finally _looked_ at Spock since the unnamed incident. “Would you like to play chess?”

“Ummm, what?”

“I said would you like to play chess.”

“I know but why?”

Spock clenched his hands open and shut. “Am I wrong in concluding there is something ‘weird’ between us?”

Jim sighed. “Look, I’m sorry I-”

“Do not apologize. Please. Play chess with me.”

Jim bit his bottom lip, thinking it over. The more time he spent with Spock the more attached he became. Spending time with his nice family (mostly Amanda) didn’t help matters. He didn’t do attachments and he definitely didn’t do families, but it felt different with Spock. He felt different with Spock. But he did feel guilty with the way he treated Spock tonight and the Vulcan’s look of desperation only made him feel more like shit.

“Alright. But I have to warn you, I’m a pretty good chess player. Think you can handle me?”

Spock lost the rigidness in his back and his eyes softened. Jim thought he could drown in them. Spock then took an intricately carved chess set off a shelf. He placed it on a side table near the window and set it up. Jim sat down, watching Spock’s long fingers move across the board. He didn’t realize how long he stared until Spock told him he could go first.

They played in silence for the first ten minutes. Jim expected Spock’s style to be logical and effective, which it was, but his last irrational yet strategic move caught Jim off guard. Spock never ceased to surprise him.

“What’s your favorite color?”

Spock lost his concentration and raised an eyebrow at Jim. “It is illogical to choose one color over another.”

“But…”

“But I suppose if I had to choose, I would pick blue.”

“Blue for science I assume. That’s cool. Now you ask me a question.”

Spock moved one his pawns. “I did not know chess also involved a game of pointless questions.”

“Well I just thought I should get to actually know the guy whose bed I’m sleeping in. But if you want to play in silence…”

Spock considered ignoring Jim’s questions but didn’t want to close Jim off again. “Have you always desired to join Starfleet?”

Jim chuckled. “Wow, getting to the tough questions first. No ‘what’s your favorite food’ or ‘do you prefer coffee or tea’?”

“I already know you do not enjoy Vulcan food and that you have a ravenous need for coffee consumption. If you wish, I could ask another question.”

“No, no it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it. Ummm,” Jim scratched the back of his neck. “I didn’t always like Starfleet. My parents were both in it but my dad died in service and my mom never encouraged me or my brother joining.”

“I grieve with thee for your loss.” Spock said.

“Don’t. He died when I was born. Never knew him.”

“And your brother?”

Jim smiled weakly. “Hey, no cheating. I have to ask you a question now,” He scrunched his nose in thought. “Did you always want to become a scientist when you were younger?”

“Yes. The field of science has interested me since I was a child. There was a time when I thought I would join the Vulcan Science Academy and stay on Vulcan.”

“So why didn’t you?”

Spock smirked slightly. “What was it you said concerning ‘cheating’? I believe it is my turn.”

“Alright,” Jim laughed. “Shoot.”

“Why did you choose to join Starfleet?”

“Well like I said, I never wanted join. After dad died, mom discouraged us from ever thinking about Starfleet. But she was somewhat hypocritical since she spent most of the time in space. I mean, she tried to be there for us as best as she could but she was just drawn being up there more I guess. I kind of resented her for that.” Jim said nothing for a while as he contemplated the board.

“What changed your mind?”

He smiled sadly. “I don’t know if you know him but it was Captain Pike from the Enterprise. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life for a long time. After high school I took some college courses online just because, but I stayed in Iowa drinking and causing trouble most of the time. Pike tracked me down one day. He knew my mom a little, was inspired by my dad, and found out I was being unproductive and wanted to help me. Who knows why. He told me I could change my life if I wanted. He told me, dared me, to join Starfleet. Said I could do better than my old man. He wanted me to go on the command track.”

“But you are an engineer.”

“Yup. I thought about it but I work better with things I can control. Working with my hands. When you’re in the chair you’re responsible for all the lives on board and there are so many variables on what could go wrong. To do that I don’t… I don’t think I have it in me. I’m not _him_.” Jim’s voice was impossibly low, his eyes a dull blue instead of the vibrant color Spock was growing accustomed to. He did not like seeing Jim like this.

“You are a brave man Jim Kirk. In the past days I have known you, you have gone through great lengths to help a stranger. You put others before yourself and I believe you would have succeeded in any path you chose to walk. You are… extraordinary and I would have been honored to serve by your side.”

Jim smiled. Not the kind that lite up his whole face, but it was soft and made of an emotion Spock could not name.

“Thank you Spock. That was, that was nice of you to say. But if you really knew me, you would know I’m nothing special.”

“I do not believe that is true.”

“Still.”

It was quiet again as they focused their attention back on the game. Spock was four moves away from winning but Jim was making it difficult.

“Why didn’t you join the Vulcan Science Academy anyway?”

Spock didn’t waiver from his concentration. “You are trying to distract me.”

Jim smirked. “Maybe. But I didn’t take my other turn. You owe me.”

“Very well.”

“Are you stalling?”

“I am not.”

Jim laughed. “Oh my God, yes you are! Come on, tell me. I want to know.”

“If you wish,” Spock hesitated before making another move. “My father always expected me to join the Vulcan Academy. As I also had an interest in science I was not bothered by it. I spent my adolescence studying, learning as much as possible to surpass my peers. Eventually I did and was accepted into the Academy. But,” He paused and clenched his left hand shut to regain control. “They said it was remarkable I made it despite my disadvantage.”

“Your mother?” Jim whispered. Spock nodded. “Bastards.”

“Indeed. I rejected their offer and as I had also applied to Starfleet and was accepted, I left to earth. My father was not pleased.”

“Is that why you guys aren’t close?”

“It is complicated.”

“Well, I’m glad it happened. If not you wouldn’t have lived on earth, have met Gaila, then met me and I wouldn’t have been able to beat you at chess. Like I just did.”

Spock looked at the board and Jim did indeed have checkmate. Spock eyed Jim in disbelief. No one has won against him since he was a child.

“We must play again.”

Jim doubled over in laughter. “What? Right now? Sore loser much.”

“Your questions were a distraction.”

“Fifty percent distraction, fifty percent curiosity.” 

“Again.” Spock repeated.

“Okay bossy. Get ready to lose.” Jim yawned and Spock realized how late it was for the human.

“You are tired. Rest and I will defeat you later.”

Jim chuckled as he climbed under the covers. “So confident.” He teased. “Are you sure you don’t want the bed? I don’t have a problem sleeping on the floor.”

“You are my guest and I am in need of meditation. It is no bother.”

“Alright. Wake me up if you change your mind. Good night Spock.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

Spock settled his mind, ready to meditate. It wasn’t long until he heard the sounds of Jim’s snoring. Strangely, it didn’t annoy him as it had before.

* * *

 

Spock was able to achieve his average hours of meditation although it was not as effective as it usually was. Thoughts of Jim and pon farr and marriage clogged his mind from reaching full clarity.

It worsened the moment he saw Jim laying peacefully in his bed, the early morning Vulcan sun causing the blond’s hair to appear even brighter. The urge to reach out and push back the hair from his face was unbearable. On an aesthetic level he knew that Jim was attractive, but not until this moment did it hit him so hard on how beautiful the man really was. He decided to distract himself by showering and ironing Jim’s suit for his conference.

Jim began to stir awake when he was done so he left to the kitchen. Sarek and Amanda were already at the table eating a simple oatmeal breakfast and speaking in hushed tones.

“Good morning Spock.” Amanda greeted. 

“Good morning, father, mother.” He put a kettle on the stove for himself and turned on the coffee machine for Jim.

“Spock,” Sarek said. “Your mother and I are wondering when you and James will complete your bond.”

Spock almost dropped the mug in his hands. “What do you mean father?”

“Your time Spock. While you can complete the bond when you mate, it is more logical to do so now so you and James can grow accustomed to each other’s minds.”

“For us,” Amanda said. “Bonding early made it easier for when the pon farr hit. And since Jim is a human we thought it would benefit him and you if you got bonded now.”

Spock did not want to hear his parents speak of pon farr. He also did not want Jim to hear about it. He didn’t know what Jim’s reaction would be if he heard. “Your concern is appreciated but unnecessary. Jim and I know what we are doing.”

“We’re only trying to look out for you and Jim, Spock.”

Jim walked in the room already in his uniform. “What are you looking out for Amanda?”

“Nothing.” Spock said quickly. Amanda eyed him curiously but said nothing.

“Okay. Are you making me coffee Spock?”

“Yes. Would you like eggs or French toast for breakfast?”

“Wow. Coffee, breakfast, and you ironed my suit. Your too good for me,” Jim kissed him softly on his cheek. His plush lips lingered longer than the other kisses he had given him. Spock closed his eyes to keep controlled. “French toast will be fine, thanks.”

“Good morning Jim,” Amanda chimed in. “When is the conference going to end today? Because I was thinking we could all go shopping to get the ceremonial robes for your bonding later.” 

Jim and Spock’s eyes met, confusion written over his face. “Jim will be done at 1400 mother but I do not think shopping for robes will be necessary.”

“Of course it is honey. You did not invite me to your first wedding, at least let me get you something for your second. I don’t want my son wearing rented hand-me-downs.”

“It is illogical to spend credits on something we will only wear once.”

She narrowed her eyes. “And it is also illogical to anger your mother.” 

Spock conceded. “Very well. Jim, it is time to go.”

Jim pouted. “But I didn’t get my French toast.”

“I will buy you food on the way.” Spock ushered Jim out the house and into his car as his mother called for him to not forget to pick her up later. The lie was slowly spiraling out of control. He had a feeling his parents would not drop the discussion of bonding lightly. Now his mother wanted to take them shopping for their ceremony. The biggest problem was Jim. Not that he didn’t play the convincing husband and he couldn’t thank him enough for his help, but the way he felt around him was unsettling. Every time he was around him he felt a pull. Even when he wasn’t particularly fond of the man he felt _something_. Knowing Jim like he did now with his considerate and caring nature along with his brave and passionate attitude drew him in like no other. He wanted this all to be over but the thought of not being with Jim, to be without his smiles and laughs… it was too hard to think about.

“Spock, do we really need to go shopping?”

“I do not find the thought appealing either but my mother insists.”

He sighed. “I know. But we aren’t going to get like ‘pretend’ bonded or anything right?”

“It is impossible to get ‘pretended’ bonded. Bonding involves the linking of two minds. Once linked, only death or a very adapt healer can severe the bond.”

“Wow,” Jim pulled at his collar. “That’s a… that’s a very strong commitment.”

“Vulcans do not take bonding lightly.”

Jim laughed nervously. “Yeah, yeah you don’t. Its serious, serious business. I mean, anyone will have to think twice before deciding they want to marry a Vulcan.”

“Why are you rambling Jim?”

“Rambling? I’m not rambling.” He said hysterically, his blue eyes widened frantically. “I’m just observing how serious Vulcans take bonding. Thank God I saved you from that huh?”

“Are you alright?” Spock asked concerned.

“I’m perfect Spock,” Jim looked out the window and realized they were close to the convention center. “Listen, you don’t have to babysit me today. You can just pick me up with your mom later.”

The thought of spending the day siting through lectures was unappealing but leaving Jim alone was as well. There was also a chance he might run into T’Pring and Stonn again and he didn’t want Jim to face them alone. “Are you positive? I do not mind going with you.”

Spock parked the car and Jim immediately opened the door. “No, its fine. I need some space.”

“Space?”

“Bye Spock.” Jim closed the door and jogged away. Spock furrowed his brows in confusion. Had he done something wrong? Had he said something offensive? Their talk last night had brought them closer and now Spock felt another rift between them. He sighed. Humans were highly illogical.

* * *

 

Jim felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know how, but he grew feelings for Spock. _Romantic_ feelings. Like wake up every morning next to each other and adopt a puppy feelings. It didn’t make any sense. And Vulcans mated for life so being with Spock meant all or nothing. He was never that kind of guy but if it meant being with Spock then who knew, maybe it was worth it. But on the other hand maybe he was going crazy. It was logical he get some space from Spock to think things over.

“Damn. Now I’m even starting to think like him. And now I’m talking to myself.”

The convention proved a great place to think. Zoning out during the lectures was easy and whenever he had to speak with someone all he had to do was nod his head and repeat ‘fascinating’. Unfortunately, time didn’t help him figure out his feeling for Spock but only enhanced it as he wished for the Vulcan to magically appear to make a snarky comment on how everything was illogical and talk him out of eating a bacon cheeseburger with cheese fries for lunch (A bad idea that seemed good at the time).

It felt like forever until 1400 when Spock commed him to say that he was waiting outside with Amanda. He almost made it to the lobby when he was accosted by someone in a Starfleet uniform. At first he didn’t realize who it was until a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and he heard a familiar laugh.

“Gary Mitchell?”

Gary let go and he was met with his ex-boyfriend’s smiling face. He and Gary went way back since his first year at the Academy. He was the second person he trusted right after Bones. They became fast friends when they joined a study group which soon turned into a friends with benefits situation. By their second year they decided to go out officially, something Bones was not happy about.

It wasn’t that Gary wasn’t a good person, but there was always something a little off about him. He was overly charismatic, cocky, and intelligent enough that he made everyone in the room feel inferior. Bones found him manipulative and used to say Gary was one smack in the head away from unleashing a new brand of crazy. Jim disagreed.

Because despite his shortcomings, Gary was a fun guy to be around. He took risks first and faced the consequences later, a trait he and Jim had in common. But it was his leap first attitude that drove them apart when he accepted an offer to serve on a ship for a semester without telling Jim. One moment he was there and the next he was gone without a goodbye. Jim would admit he felt heartbreak for the first time in his life but he eventually got over it.

Gary came back months later, all smiles and sincere apologies asking for a second chance. Jim forgave but told him they were better off as friends. Gary agreed but that didn’t stop him from once in a while trying to get Jim back. And the way his eyes raked over Jim’s body now, he had a feeling this was one of those times.

“What are you doing here Gary?” Jim asked.

“Same as you Jimmy, business. When Starfleet was sending people on conferences I jumped at the chance thinking they would send us to Risa. Free food, drinks and fun. Instead I got sent to this hot hell.”

Jim shrugged. “It’s not that bad when you get used to.”

“Right. So what hotel are you staying at?”

Jim chuckled a little. “Same old Gary I see.”

“Oh you know I didn’t mean it like that. I was thinking we could catch up later. Have dinner and a drink?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I thought we were friends?”

“We are friends Gary.”

Gary closed the space between them, rubbing his hand up and down his bicep until Jim looked him in the eyes. “Come on Jimmy, I missed you a lot. Don’t you miss me too?”

Jim sighed. “Now’s not the right time. I’m… I’m seeing someone right now.”

Surprise marred his features for only a second before he smiled wide again. He reminded Jim eerily of a Vulcan, the way he hid his emotions so quickly. “Yeah? Who is it? Don’t tell me it’s that grumpy roommate of yours.”

He laughed. “No, it’s not Bones. You don’t know him but that doesn’t matter anyway. Because you and me, are _just_ friends.”

“Right. Just friends. So drinks?”

“James,” Jim turned around, his eyes almost bugging out of his head when he saw Spock practically stalk towards him. He looked as emotionless as any other Vulcan Jim met. Compared to his usual soft gazes and mirthful brown eyes, it seemed like Spock was entirely different man. “It has been five point three minutes since our last communication and I came to get you. Who is this?”

Spock and Gary glared at each other, like in old western movie showdowns. He didn’t know why Spock would harbor any animosity towards the man. And Gary tended to become fast friends with almost everyone, Bones excluded. 

“Spock this Gary Mitchell, an old friend of mine. Gary this is Spock, my-”

“Husband. I am his husband.” Spock wound his hand around Jim’s hip, holding on so tight he felt like was being branded by his touch.

“Husband,” Gary said, his smile strained. “When you said you were seeing someone I didn’t know you meant permanently.”

“Yeah well, it’s all pretty new,” He elbowed Spock in the side but all it did was make his hold stronger. “Even I’m surprised by it sometimes.”

“Wow. So you’re finally tied down? Never thought I’d see the day when Jimmy Kirk got hitched. I always thought that it be us to, well… you know…”

“I do not know Mister Mitchell,” Spock said. “But it seems redundant since James is now my husband.”

Gary spared Spock a short glare but then put his attention on Jim. “Nevertheless, I’m happy for you Jim. Call me if you want to get together before I leave.”

“I might if-”

“We are busy.” They answered at the same time. Jim elbowed him again but it yielded the same result as before. Gary gave Jim one last look and left. When he was out of sight Jim pushed Spock away.

“What gives Spock? Why the hell did you embarrass me like that? I know we’re doing the whole pretend thing for your sake but this is my life! Half of Starfleet is going to know we’re _married_ by tomorrow because of you! What’s going to happen then?”

“You should have answered your comm. My mother is waiting for us.” Spock turned to the exit leaving Jim to sputter in his wake. He couldn’t believe the lengths the Vulcan went through to avoid a problem.

“Oh, so this is my fault now? Don’t you walk away from me you stubborn Vulcan! Can you talk to me for once?”

Spock stopped in his tracks so fast that Jim almost ran into him. He turned around, his Vulcan façade replaced by an intense fury. Jim faltered in surprise but mustered up his anger again. “Are you going to explain yourself?”

“I am not the one who needs to explain myself when you are the one who was trying to have intercourse with that man while you are currently my husband.”

“Fake husband if you remember. And even if I was trying to have sex with Gary it’s none of your damn business.”

“It is my business. You could have compromised all that we have worked for just to satisfy your human compulsion for sexual intimacy.”

“Do you hear yourself right now?” Jim yelled. “I can’t believe I thought I liked… you know what, never mind. You are way out of line. We are not together so I could do whatever I want with whoever I want.”

“Then I am sorry for stopping you,” Spock said in a sarcastic tone. “Go back to Mister Mitchell and have meaningless sexual intercourse. I will tell my mother my husband is currently occupied.”

“Don’t guilt trip me you Vulcan ass! And maybe I will have sex with Gary or anyone else I like!”

“I will not stop you.”

“Fine!”

“Fine”

They were nose to nose when they stopped arguing, glaring at the other. Spock was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling with every angry inhale and exhale. The thought of Jim with anyone, especially with Gary Mitchell, was abhorrent. When he saw him touch Jim it was difficult for him not to march to his pretend husband and drag him far away. It was illogical, it was un-Vulcan, but he wanted Jim all to himself. His beautiful smile, his shining eyes, his deep intelligence and warmth. He selfishly wanted all parts of Jim for him and him only.

Jim huffed and was ready to leave when they heard a car door shut. Amanda walked out, annoyed and irritated. “Is everything alright?” She called across the parking lot. “I thought we were going shopping?”

“In a moment mother.” Spock’s gaze was still on Jim, his eyes expressing a challenge and some anxiousness. He was afraid Jim will leave into another’s arms and everything that was growing between them will be gone. He searched Jim’s blue eyes for answer, to see if he really would leave. Jim looked between Spock and Amanda. Part of him wanted to spite Spock, go inside and find Gary. But that was also the last thing he wanted to do. And he promised Spock he would help with his parents so even though the Vulcan wasn’t his favorite person at the moment, he wouldn’t go back on his word.

“Let’s go,” He said softly. “But I’m still fucking mad at you bastard.” He brushed past Spock and went into the car. Amanda looked at Spock, clearly confused. Spock raised his shoulders, in the universal sign of ‘I have no idea’. But on the inside he felt shame. Shame on how he treated Jim and his un-Vulcan emotional outburst.

The ride to the store was short and practically unbearable. Jim didn’t spare him a glance and unlike yesterday Spock knew it was well deserved. There was no nicknames or soft touches like any other time they were in front of Amanda. She picked up on their change in attitude quickly but stayed silent until they entered the shop.

It was small, but one of the best stores in the city that sold marriage attire. They also carried a small selection of human suits that probably cost more than half of what Kirk farm was worth. The Vulcan robes were all long, heavy, mostly dark in color, and it made Jim sweat just looking at them. But Amanda brightened, like the thought of shopping for her son’s bonding was the best thing that could happen. She ran her fingers over the fabrics and immediately started piling them into Spock’s arms. Jim couldn’t help but smile at that. It wasn’t hard to imagine a baby Spock following around and helping his mother on shopping trips.

“Alright Spock,” She said. “Try these on and come out for me to see when you’re done,” Spock barely contained an eye-roll but dutifully went into a fitting room. “I don’t know your size Jim so let’s shop together.”

Like he had a choice, Jim thought. He gravitated towards the lighter looking robes, the ones that didn’t look like he wouldn’t die of heat stroke the second he stepped outside. He knew he wasn’t going to wear it for any real wedding but even the heavy robes in an air conditioned place was too much to handle. He eyed a dark brown robe when Amanda cleared her throat. “Pardon me Jim, but am I correct in assuming that there is some… tension between you and Spock?”

Jim almost sighed. He had one job, to make Amanda think he and Spock were married. Sulking in the car and ignoring his husband probably wasn’t the best way to do that but he couldn’t help containing his anger with Spock. “I guess a little. We just had a small tiff, don’t worry about it.”

She raised her eyebrow, so similar in the way Spock did. “I don’t think it was just a little tiff if my son is sulking.”

“He was not.”

“He was, dear. Now what did he do this time?”

Jim chuckled. “How do you know it was him?”

“Mother’s instinct. I know when my son has done something wrong. But I’m sure he’s probably waiting to make up.”

Jim frowned and thought back to Spock’s fury when talking to Gary and how he thought Jim would jump into bed with him. Before he thought he could trust Spock, something that did not come easy, but now he wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. I’m still pretty mad at him.”

“Vulcans can be infuriating can’t they? But you knew that marrying him I’m sure.”

He fixed his eyes on the robe in his hands so he wouldn’t have to look her straight on. “I suppose. Doesn’t mean I can’t still be angry with him.”

“Of course. But being in a marriage or any relationship, is knowing that even after all the anger and fights you go through, that at the end of the day, you want to try and make it work. If there comes a day when the pain of love is not worth it, then you know it’s over. And I see you as a man who will fight to the end Jim.”

Jim did want to fight for Spock. Not necessarily for that special something he felt before, but at least for a friendship. Because even after a few days, not being friends with Spock was unimaginable.

Amanda hands him a gray robe. “Go try this one on and we’ll go from there.”

He went into the fitting area and in a stall to put on the robe. Or tried to. He had no idea how to tie it up properly so it hung loosely over his body. He walked out hoping to get Amanda’s help but instead he saw Spock tying his robe near the mirrors. His dark black outfit with gray embroidering clashed wonderfully with his pale skin and sharp features.

Spock turned around and Jim blushed, embarrassed with how ridiculous he must look in comparison. “I uh-” he stammered. “I don’t know how to put this together.”

The Vulcan seemed amused but also anxious. No doubt due to their fight.

“Would you like my help?” Spock asked.

“If you want to.” Spock neared him and moved his fingers across the ties pulling them together. His hands were not as steady as they could have been. “Nervous Spock?”

“Negative.”

“You think I’m going to leave?”

Spock paused, his grip tightening before resuming his work. “If that is your wish, I have said, I will not stop you.”

“Well stop worrying. Just because you were an ass doesn’t mean I’ll go back on my promise.”

Spock said nothing as he finished tying. He stepped back and Jim admired himself in the mirror. Although he was pretty sure he was wearing his right size, the robe was naturally loose. Wearing clothes that didn’t hug his body was rare but he had to admit he looked damn good in the foreign clothes. The sharp gray also had black motifs along the edges which matched Spock’s outfit. For a second, it almost seemed like they were a couple getting married.

“Jim,” Spock said, his voice apprehensive. “I am sorry for my behavior earlier. It was uncalled for, disrespectful, and-”

“Illogical.”

Jim could swear Spock almost smiled. “Yes. Illogical.”

“I accept your apology. But Spock, if this is going to work you need to talk to me. You can’t run off anytime something goes wrong. I’m not a mind reader and I can only help you if we are on the same page, okay?”

“Yes Jim.”

“Good. And for the record, I was never going to hook up with Gary. That shipped sailed long ago. So friends again?” He asked.

Spock’s mouth opened and closed in confusion. “Friends?”

“Yeah, friends,” Jim looked away, feeling stupid for assuming that their relationship was more than it actually was. “If that’s alright with you.”

“You consider me a friend?”

“Well yeah. I don’t get pretend hitched for just anybody.” He joked.

All was quiet until Amanda walked in, her hand going over her mouth when she them. “Oh Spock, you look so handsome.”

Her eyes watered as she rested her hands on Spock’s shoulders. His cheeks turned green and was every bit the embarrassed son. Jim chuckled and tried to save him. “And I look good too?”

Amanda turned and laughed, her eyes full of emotion. “Of course. You are very handsome too. You make a nice Vulcan.”

“Nah. I don’t think I can pull off the pointy ears.”

She laughed again and let go of her son. “As much as I would have enjoyed spending more time watching you boys try on clothes, I think we have the ones. Do you like it dear?”

“I have no preference mother.”

“Well, what do you think of Jim?” She almost smirked.

“He is,” He paused, his gaze finding Jim’s own. Jim could hardly breathe, captivated by Spock’s softened look. “Beautiful.”

Jim blushed. Logically he knew Spock had to say that since his mom was here, especially to show they made up after their little fight. But it was nice hearing, even while he knew Spock was lying.

Amanda appeared to buy it as her eyes watered even more. She told them to get dressed again and excused herself from the fitting room area. Jim went into his stall, too shy to be near Spock anymore. Which was stupid because shy wasn’t a word that would ever be used to describe him. Anxious, nervous, maybe awkward, but never ever shy. The back and forth feelings he was having for Spock was confusing as hell. He didn’t know if they could ever be more than friends but he’d be damned if he couldn’t at least try.

* * *

 

After his apology, Spock noticed that Jim’s fake affection for him had risen. He was thankful that Jim was back on board for their arrangement but that meant more touching. Before he was able to tolerate Jim’s touch by putting up shields but something had changed. His shields were still in place but now every touch on his arm, hand, or his shoulder were more affecting to him than ever. It awakened something within him, and whenever Jim’s hands met his he wanted to reach back, reciprocate every caress with a burning need he could not explain.

Nyota was not his first relationship but hers was the only one where he ever felt a need to reach out. Even then it was not much. A simple touch between two fingers or his hand resting against her gentle back was enough to satisfy him until more intimate arrangements could be made. But his want for Jim was more than it was with Nyota. It was a pull that was difficult but necessary to deny. It was not logical to feel this way after only a few days of acquaintance and indulging in Jim’s touch when it was not necessary would need to stop.

But it seemed Jim was more adamant than ever to get his fingers all over him. After shopping, Amanda thought it would be nice to have tea on the patio before Sarek came home for dinner. Instead of taking one seat out of the five that were there, Jim sat in Spock’s. Although the chair was large, it wasn’t large enough for two people so half of Jim’s body was draped over his. And the hand that wasn’t holding his tea cup was wound around Spock’s neck, his head lightly resting on his shoulder. Spock thought his mother might find it inappropriate, to see her son and his husband act so intimate, but she didn’t seem the least bit bothered. In fact, this was the most content he had seen his mother in quite some time.

“And then I jumped into the lake, completely naked, and held my breath under the water until the authorities left. And that wasn’t the first time that happened.” Jim finished his story.

Amanda laughed and Spock realized how much he missed that sound. “Jim, you were a wild teenager. The polar opposite of Spock. Well, mostly.”

“Mostly,” He smirked. “What kind of trouble did Mister Perfect get into?”

“Mother,” Spock warned.

“Oh hush honey, it’s all in fun. Now, I recall a time when Spock was a teenager and he snuck out of the house to go see a lecture on this new theory on black holes and whatnot by an Andorian professor visiting the Academy for one day. He almost got away with it too but he was still wearing the admission bracelet on his wrist during breakfast the next morning.”

Jim laughed and Spock held him tightly so he wouldn’t fall out the chair. “Wow, I didn’t know I married a bad boy, babe. Sneaking off to science lectures in the middle of the night. What have I got myself into?”

“Yes, Jim, I am quite the rebel. But you are, as they say, stuck with me.” 

Jim’s blue eyes became crystal clear and he leaned down and kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. “Fine by me.”

On impulse, Spock reached back and kissed him fully on the lips. While human kissing wasn’t as effective to him as Vulcan kissing, Jim’s lips were soft and he moved his lips against Spock’s with an eagerness and fervor he couldn’t resist. The fact that his mother was nearby didn’t register to him until she loudly cleared her throat. Spock pulled away but Jim stayed close, resting his forehead against Spock’s cheek. Spock could smell the apple scented shampoo he used and felt like nuzzling closer into the blond’s hair. For acting reasons of course.

“I suppose this is my cue to leave,” Amanda said. “I will check if dinner is done.” She left the patio and Spock thought that once she was gone Jim would get his own seat. But he didn’t. He stayed plastered to his side, little puffs of air hitting Spock’s neck.

“Do you think we should move?” Spock asked.

Jim sighed a little, resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Do you want me to?”

“It is no longer necessary as my mother cannot see us.”

“That’s not a yes.” It was not. They stayed in their positions, Jim half on his lap and Spock holding him close. It was logical in case his mother or father came back. One-hundred percent logical.

“This is nice, right?” Jim asked quietly.

“It is satisfactory.”

“Satisfactory? I guess I’ve been called worse.”

“I did not mean to imply that-”

“It was a joke, Spock. Married people are supposed to laugh at each other’s jokes you know.”  

“I will be sure to ‘laugh’ at your jokes Jim, when I begin to find them amusing.”

Jim smiled. “Ouch, baby. You definitely know how to wound a guy.”

Spock hummed in agreement, ignoring the nickname. Jim took hold of Spock’s left hand and began absentmindedly using his fingers to draw patterns on Spock’s palm. He held in a moan as Jim traced along the sensitive areas of his hand. Spock knew Jim was not aware enough to know all the particulars of Vulcan hand sensitivity and he should tell him to stop. But Jim’s hands were warm and rough but also comforting. “What are you doing?” He asked, afraid that he would lose his voice soon.

Jim paused but did not let go. “Do you want me to stop?”

Before he could formulate an answer, if he could, Amanda rushed back on the patio. “Boys, clean up. T’Pau is coming with Sarek.” She left as quickly as she came, in a controlled frenzied. Jim looked up at Spock, a question in his blue eyes.

“Who’s T’Pau?”

Spock ushered Jim to his bedroom so they could make themselves more presentable for their guest. There, he explained to Jim that T’Pau was the matriarch of Sarek’s clan. She was also on the seat of the Vulcan high council and was regarded as having one of the most logical, influential minds on Vulcan.

“Wow,” Jim said, shaving the barely there scruff on his face while Spock combed his bangs even straighter in front of the bathroom mirror. “Wasn’t she also like the only person who has ever turned down a seat on the Federation Council?”

“Indeed she was. She is very respected on Vulcan, in the Federation, and my family. You must be on your best behavior Jim or my father will not be pleased.”

“When am I not on my best behavior? I just spent the last two days talking to self-entitled ‘scientists’ without telling them where they could stick their bullshit theories.”

“Jim…”

“Alright, alright, I’ll be good. I swear. Any no go’s I should know about?”

“Yes. While we could be physically affectionate in my parent’s presence, T’Pau can be more… reserved.”

“Okay,” Jim said. Spock thought he could detect some disappointment. “Then what can we do?”

“Vulcan mates usually show affection by the ozh’esta.”

“What’s that?”

Spock put his brush down and went back into his bedroom to change his shoes. He felt some embarrassment talking to Jim about this, especially since Jim did more than kiss him minutes before. “It is a finger embrace, the touching of the index and middle fingers between bondmates.”

“So, it’s like a kiss?”

“Correct.”

Jim walked out of the bathroom, a red blush on his cheeks. “So when I was, you know, I was basically…”

“In a way.”

“Oh, God,” It was clear that Jim was embarrassed. Spock realized that he should have been more forthcoming the minute he held Jim’s hand but whenever they held hands, he felt a sense of rightness. “I didn’t know. I mean, I know Vulcans can be a little sensitive with touching and stuff but I promise I didn’t know I was doing _that_.”

“It is I who should have told you from the beginning.”

“True. But it’s not like it was a bad thing. Aren’t we supposed to be all affectionate? We have to be in love. Act like we’re in love.” He corrected.

“Yes. Of course.” Spock said quietly.

Jim stepped closer until there was only a foot separating them. He could make out each of his individual lashes framing gentle blue eyes. There was uncertainty hidden in them. “Maybe we should practice the finger kiss. Just in case.”

“Just in case.” He repeated. He held out his index and middle finger, waiting for Jim’s to meet. Jim copied his finger placement and raised his eyebrows, silently asking if he was doing it correctly. Spock nodded, and Jim took it as his sign to move his fingers near the Vulcan’s. Holding in a breath, he met Jim for the kiss. The moment they touched Spock closed his eyes in pleasure. This was different from holding hands or the random touches on patios and during morning routines. Everything in his Vulcan physiology reveled in the kiss, his senses heightened in his body as well as his mind. Judging from Jim’s surface emotions, he could feel him also deriving pleasure from the simple touch.

“Nice?” Jim asked, his voice a little hoarse.

“Yes.”

He smirked. “Not satisfactory?”

“It seems you are more adept at intimate Vulcan customs than I realized. Are you positive this is your first time?”

“I promise you Spock that you, and only you, have took my hand kissing virginity.”

“I am honored that you have saved your hands for me, Jim.” Jim’s smile lit up his entire face, the corners of his eyes crinkling in glee. Spock felt his own mouth twitch up, unable, and a part of him unwilling, to block Jim’s happiness from their touch.

Jim’s fingers slowly pulled away, a soft smile covering his lips. An illogical urge kiss him again lingered within Spock. Logically he knew he shouldn’t enjoy this as much as he should. It didn’t mean anything to Jim he was sure, so it should be the same for Spock. But he put down those thoughts and basked in the small moment of bliss and illogic.

“It’s weird though,” Jim inspected his hand skeptically. “I didn’t know I would feel anything from touching fingers but, I don’t know how to explain, I kind of just felt like this tingly sensation all over my body. Is that normal for humans?”

Spock thought it over. Sometimes he would Vulcan kiss Nyota but most of the time she seemed indifferent and did it for his benefit more than hers. “I do not know. You may ask my mother for her opinion if you feel comfortable doing so.”

“Nah, I’m not that desperate to know. I just think it’s weird that a human could feel all that stuff from a Vulcan kiss.”

“It is possible that due to my touch telepathy that some of my emotions transferred to yours.”

“Yeah, maybe.”  

Spock checked the time and figured they should check on his mother before his father and T’Pau arrived. While T’Pau was one of the few Vulcans who accept Amanda in the clan without outright aversion, she was a highly critical woman. Her standards for perfection and logic were high. So far Jim was able to charm his mother and fool his father but meeting T’Pau would be much harder. She was intuitive and was not easily fooled. Spock would not admit to nervousness but nevertheless he felt unease for the upcoming meeting.

“Well, I guess it’s time to meet your Grammy.” Jim said with false cheerfulness.

“Jim, I must warn you again, fooling T’Pau into thinking we are married will not be easy. I do not want you to feel nervous but-”

“Hey,” He interrupted. “I’ll be fine. If I can handle your father I could handle her. Besides, of the two of us, I think I’m the better actor. Did you know in high school I acted in the musical production of _Beauty and the Beast_?”

“What role did you play?”

“A fork.”

“My confidence in you has risen exponentially, Jim.”    

“It should. I was a damn good fork.”  

Spock hid his smile as they left into the living room where Amanda was cleaning up. Her posture was calmer than earlier but Spock could see his mother was anxious.

“Do you need help Amanda?” Jim asked.

She looked up, startled out of her cleaning. “Oh good, you boys are ready. And there’s nothing else to do Jim. We can all relax until they get here. Sarek said it should be soon.”

After she said that, the front door opened and Sarek walked in the house. His expression was more logical and stern than ever but it was nothing compared to the Vulcan woman next to him. She was short and thin, her hair in high up-do. Her face was like stone, showing no emotion in her tight lipped, sharp gaze. A chill went down Jim’s spine. Spock wasn’t joking when he said it wasn’t going to be easy to charm her.

“T’Pau,” Amanda said, more subdued than Jim has ever seen her. “We welcome you into our home.” She raised her hand in the Vulcan salute and Spock followed her lead. Jim did the same even if it wasn’t as perfect as the others.

T’Pau acknowledged Amanda with a small nod and then her gaze turned to Spock. Jim could swear the sharp lines on her face softened but he was probably just seeing things. “Spock,” Her voice was just as sharp and precise as her features. “It has been five point three-seven years since you have last visited Vulcan, correct.”

“Yes, T’Pau.”

“And when you finally come back you bring with you a human mate.” She said it with such neutrality that Jim didn’t know if he should take offense or not.

“Yes, T’Pau. I have come with a mate who happens to be human.”

“Have you made a wise decision Spock? To bring an outsider into our clan that is not Vulcan?”

Spock’s fingers moved slightly like he was ready to clench them but he kept them steady by his side. “My mother is human, I am half human. Having a mate that also happens to be human does not fall outside the realms of logic concerning myself.”

“I never said it did,” She finally set her eyes on Jim. He could feel himself sweat under her scrutiny. “What is your name?”

“James Tiberius Kirk, ma’am.”

“Do you realize the importance of me coming here today, James Kirk?”

Jim didn’t know for sure. He looked to Spock for help but his eyes were trained on T’Pau, his posture the epitome of a rigidness. “I think so ma’am.”

She stared at him with a blank face that gave no indication to Jim if he said the right thing or not.

“Come,” She announced to the whole room. “Let us eat.”

Sarek led her into the dining room, Amanda and Spock close behind. Jim followed, his confidence from earlier completely vanished. He wanted to help Spock, he really did, but he had no idea how he was going to pull this off. This was the first time he was truly regretting agreeing to Spock’s plan. He was no diplomat and didn’t know how to handle a Vulcan that wasn’t Spock. And even with him it was difficult. But he didn’t believe in no win scenarios either, and he was determined to make T’Pau accept him, human or not.

T’Pau took Sarek’s place at the head of the table. Sarek and Amanda stood to the right and Jim joined Spock at the left. Once T’Pau took her seat everyone else took theirs. If Jim admired one thing about T’Pau, it was that she commanded respect and authority from everyone in the room. It reminded him of his own grandmother.

The same maid from the first day Jim arrived on Vulcan was back. She wheeled in a cart that had five bowls of soup. She gave a bowl to everyone and left the room, presumably to prepare bringing out the main course.

Like before, no one did anything until T’Pau did it. No one dared take a bite until she did and didn’t speak unless spoken to. But T’Pau wasn’t in the mood to speak so the room was silent, save for the clinking of spoons against bowls. It was driving Jim crazy. He was pretty sure T’Pau was doing this as some kind of personal torture.

He wanted to say something. Hell, he wanted to scream, but every so often Spock would send him looks. Looks that said ‘keep your mouth shut, don’t screw this up’. Following rules and staying quiet weren’t his things but he promised Spock he would be on his best behavior. And strangely enough, disappointing Spock was something he never wanted to do.

Finally the appetizer was over and the maid, he thought her name was T’Mur, took away their bowls of soup in exchange for what looked like a mushy lasagna and a side of vegetables.

Again, T’Pau took the first bite before anyone else and now Jim was getting really irritated about following her lead all the time. His inner rule breaker wanted to eat the weird looking lasagna first just for the hell of it. If she wanted to say something to him he wished she would just do it already.

T’Pau ate about half of her meal and took a sip of her drink before speaking. She stared directly at Spock and then spoke in her clear, emotionless voice. “I approve of your mate Spock.”

Whatever Jim was expecting her to say it definitely wasn’t that. “What?” Jim said, completely baffled.

She ignored him and continued speaking. “For you to go against what was expected, you followed logic and chose a mate based on compatibility, suitability, and… fondness.” 

Everyone was shocked at what she said, most of all Sarek, who had his eyes wider than Jim had ever seen. “What?” Jim repeated, more dumbfounded than the first time.

“Jim,” Spock said, his tone warning him to stop.

“Of course,” She continued. “I will need to initiate a mind meld to ascertain that a proper bond will be put in place before it becomes necessary.”

Spock tensed next to him. Jim didn’t know what a mind meld would entail but it obviously wasn’t good if it made Spock nervous.

“That will be unnecessary T’Pau. Jim and I have melded multiple times and I assure you that we are compatible enough to bond. A mind meld to ascertain this is not needed.” Spock said.

She raised an eyebrow, which Jim thought was ten times more threatening than any time Spock or Sarek did it. “Are you questioning me Spock?”

Spock straightened in his seat. “No, T’Pau.”

“It is settled. After I finish my meal we will initiate the meld.”

“Yes T’Pau. May I be excuse for a moment?” She nodded her head before returning to her food. Jim almost did the same until he felt Spock briefly touch his shoulder. “Jim needs to be excused as well.”

Jim frowned. “But I didn’t get dessert yet.”

Spock hauled him to his feet and out the dining room. He pushed him into the guest bathroom. He was clearly agitated but Jim couldn’t help trying to lighten the mood.

“You know what they think we’re doing in here right?”

Spock shut his eyes, exhaling slowly to regain control. “That does not matter since our charade will soon be exposed after T’Pau melds with us.”

“Okay, first of all you could just say lie. You don’t have use all these fancy vocabulary words. Second, so what if she melds with us?”

“Because Jim, she will know what is in our minds, will know we not married and expose us. Once my father finds out we are not married I will be bonded to T’Pring before sundown.”

“Calm down Mister Dramatic. Can’t we just, you know, hide the information in our heads from her? Block it somehow?”

“It is not that simple. I may be able to shield her from certain thoughts and memories but I will not be able to help you shield. T’Pau is a very adapt melder. There will be little you can hide from her even with years of shielding practice.”

“So that’s it? There’s nothing we can do?”

“I am afraid not.”

“Well maybe she won’t say anything about us. She seems pretty reasonable.” Even with all the confidence he could muster, Jim knew he didn’t sound the least bit convincing.

Spock sighed. His posture was slightly hunched over instead of being ram rod straight. Jim wanted to comfort him somehow. His touch will probably not be welcomed but if this was the last time he was going to be with Spock then he was going to take that chance.

Jim wrapped his hands around both of Spock’s wrist until Spock looked him straight in the eyes. He was surprised and a little confused by Jim’s actions. Every Vulcan instinct in his body told him that this was inappropriate and he should move away immediately. But Jim’s grip was strong and oddly comforting. He knew he could shake him off easily but strangely, a part of him didn’t want to.

“Spock, I know we haven’t known each other very long but if there is one thing you know need to know about me, it’s that I don’t believe in no win scenarios. We didn’t come this far to give up. Now I have plan but I’m going to need you to trust me.”

“Am I going to like this plan?”

“Probably not but I’m doing it anyway. I told you I don’t give up.”

Spock sighed. He could already tell he was going to regret this but so far Jim has proved himself to be an intelligent and tactile man. And no matter how stubborn and illogical Jim could be, he did trust him. It was not something that came easy to him but with Jim, almost everything came easy. Even lying, a thing Vulcans did not do, wasn’t hard when Jim was there by his side.

“Alright. But you will be careful Jim?”

Jim smiled beautifully. “Sure I will. Not get out of here so I can get some… _things_.”

Spock stared at him skeptically and turned to leave. He then realized that Jim was still holding on to him. It made him blush slightly and he gave Jim a look to get him to let go. It took Jim a moment too long to notice but when he did he let go immediately. A red blush creeped over his neck and face that Spock found to be utterly enthralling.

Jim shooed him out of the bathroom and Spock went to the dining room. His mother and father did not look him the eye when he came back. He felt some embarrassment knowing that what Jim said about his parents assuming what they were doing in the bathroom was true.

He only ate one more bite of his food when T’Pau put her utensils down, signaling that she was done dinner. That meant everyone else had to be done too and his parents also pushed their food away. T’Mur collected their plates and asked if they needed anything else. T’Pau said they didn’t and once the table was cleared she stood. They followed her lead and went into the living room where T’Mur began arranging their tea.

They all took a seat, silently sipping at their tea. Spock searched the room for Jim. He was feeling anxious for what Jim had planned to fool T’Pau, which he knew was impossible. T’Pau finished her drink and waited. Any species that thought Vulcans were a patient race have never met her. She was clearly not pleased to put her plans on hold so Spock was grateful when Jim arrived from the kitchen area.

“I apologize for being late but I’m ready for that mind meld thing now.” Jim said quickly. He bounced lightly on the balls of his feet and his hands clenched his thigh. Spock and his parents looked at him oddly, even T’Pau was a little taken aback by his behavior. But she rose from her seat and indicated for Jim and Spock to kneel before her. They did so, although Jim was moving with barely contained energy.

T’Pau moved her hands towards their meld points and Spock eased his nerves and mind. He trusted Jim but if he truly had a plan, he wished Jim would do it soon. Closing his eyes, he felt T’Pau’s wrinkled fingers touch his meld points.

“My mind to your minds. Your thoughts to my thoughts.” Expecting to feel a small interference in his mind like with every other meld, he was surprised that he only felt only a slight tug in his mind until T’Pau pulled away.

He heard his mother shriek before he opened his eyes to see Jim’s face turn red and blotchy, reminiscent from when he had his allergy attack. Jim was also breathing more slowly and labored and Spock almost panicked. But he remembered that ever since Jim’s first attack that he decided to carry with him Jim’s hypo. Quickly, he reached inside his pocket and took out the small hypo. He ignored T’Pau’s surprise, his father’s shock, and his mother’s hysterics and injected the hypo gently in Jim’s neck.

His blue eyes were watery and his body was shivering as he leaned into Spock. The Vulcan put his arms around Jim’s body and held him until his body was slack against his. As Jim calmed down so did he, his earlier panic subsiding.

“Jim?” He asked.

“I’m fine. I’m okay.” He whispered back, his mouth moving against Spock’s neck.

Amanda gently moved Jim away from Spock asking him if he was alright. Jim nodded his head. “I think so. I think it was just a small allergy attack.”

“Small,” she said incredulously. “Your face turned red and that was the second attack you’ve had within days! I don’t know how that happened, I told T’Mur all your allergies.”

“I probably have some allergies I don’t even know about, it’s not her fault. I think I just need to lie down.”

“Of course,” She helped Jim to his feet. She faced T’Pau. “I apologize T’Pau but maybe you can meld with them another time.”

T’Pau pursed her lips but Amanda didn’t wait for a reply as she helped Jim to their room. Sarek murmured something about how he will be in his office which left Spock alone with T’Pau. His heartbeat was slowing down to a normal speed due to how fast it was beating during Jim’s attack.

Suddenly everything clicked in his mind. Jim’s plan, his attack. It was all orchestrated. It wasn’t an accident at all. An intense fury roared up inside him, more than he ever felt in his life. Jim willing put himself in danger just so T’Pau wouldn’t mind meld them. The thought that Jim would risk his own life again to preserve Spock’s lie was unfathomable to him.

“Spock,” T’Pau’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and he tried to quell the rage inside him. “That was no accident.”

Spock clenched his hands and exhaled heavily through his nose. So Jim’s sacrifice was for nothing. “What do you mean, T’Pau?”

“Do not play the fool with me youngling. I may have touched your minds for only a moment but it was enough.”

“Enough for what?”

Her eyes turned steely. “James is not your husband.”

Spock closed his eyes and took a seat on the couch. “Will you tell father?”

“What will that accomplish?”

Spock looked at her in disbelief. “You are not going to tell my parents that I am…”

“Lying. No, I will not have to tell your parents you are lying if you do not lie.”

“But-”

“Spock,” She interrupted. “As I have said, I only touched your minds for a moment. Normally I, and even the most practiced of mind healers, could not gain much information from a simple touch. But with you and James, I felt a connection, a connection between two minds stronger than I have seen in decades.”

Spock was, for once, very confused. “What are you saying?”

T’Pau looked annoyed very much put upon. “A human has risked his health twice for you in less than a week’s time. And unless I have become a blind old woman, you were not unaffected by it.”

Spock was still at a loss. His and Jim’s minds had a ‘strong connection’? She claimed Jim cared for him and that he reciprocated them? He considered Jim to be a very close, he couldn’t say friend (Vulcans do not have friends), but someone he very much admired. Did she want him to marry Jim after such a short amount of time?

“T’Pau, are you suggesting that I marry Jim?”

“Spock, you do not have much time before the blood fever hits. You and James are compatible. Do what is logical. Do what is right.”

“How do I know what is right?”

“That is for you to decide.”

He was quiet as T’Pau commed for transportation to pick her up. After a few minutes of waiting she went towards the front door. “Tell your father I will speak to him in the morning. Remember what I told you Spock.” She opened the door and was gone.

Spock didn’t know what to think or do. The last few minutes were the most illogical he’d ever spent with T’Pau. Instead of dwelling on her words he went to see Jim. His mother was leaving his room when he approached the door.

“Is he all right, mother?”

“Yes, he is fine. This wasn’t as severe as last time, a more mild reaction. A little rest is all he needs.”

“Thank you mother. I think I will retire early as well.”

“Me too. When I saw his face turn all red I nearly had a heart attack.”

“Mother, if you are having heart problems-”

“It’s a hyperbole, dear.” She smiled.

“Of course.” Amanda walked past him and Spock entered his room. Jim had changed into his pajamas and was lying on the bed over the covers, looking at a padd. Feelings of gratefulness and anger battled with in him. Jim was alive but it was he who put himself in danger in the first place.

“Jim. You are recuperating nicely.”

Jim looked up. Spock was illogically glad to see he seemed guilty. “Hey, Spock. Did we fool T’Pau?”

No matter how angry Spock was with Jim, he couldn’t tell him the truth. He put his health at risk and he didn’t want him to think it was all for naught. Also, telling him about what she saw in their minds was still a mystery to him. He didn’t want to confuse him with something he still didn’t understand. “T’Pau is gone and our secret is safe.”

“Good. Told you my plan would work.”

Spock narrowed his eyes. “You purposefully exposed yourself to an allergy. You risked your life. If I had not had your hypo on my person, it is unclear on what condition you would be in right now.”

“I’m not an idiot Spock. You think I didn’t know you had that hypo with you? And I only ate like a few nuts that are at the low end my allergy list. I was never in any real danger.”

“What you did was dangerous and irresponsible. I would prefer you never put yourself at risk for my or anyone else’s sake.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Well that’s too bad. I said I would help you and if that means my face puffs up like a red balloon for a few seconds then so be it.”

Spock did not feel like arguing any longer. Jim was stubborn and he had a feeling that Jim would go to ends of the universe on the off chance to help another. An admirable yet an annoying trait.

“Nevertheless, for the duration of this trip do not put yourself in unnecessary danger without at least consulting me first.”

Jim smirked. “Alright bossy. You win this time but only because I made you freak out with my clever plan.”

“Your plan was highly illogical, and I did not ‘freak out’.”

“So you won’t admit you were a teensy bit worried.”

“Vulcans do not worry.”

“Of course they don’t. Not even for their husbands, right?”

Spock didn’t answer, unsure if Jim was joking or not. Jim rolled his eyes at him again. He jumped out of bed and went over to the chess set. He placed it on the small table and sat down. “Are we playing or not?”

Spock didn’t want to lose the chance to defeat Jim this time so for next few hours they played. The game was played in mostly silence this time around, both wanting to unwind after a long stressful day. Out of the three games they played Spock won two of them. Pride was something Vulcans did not have but that didn’t stop Jim from saying his head swelled with it after each win.

“And people tell me I’m full of it but if they could see you right now…” Jim finished with a laugh. Spock arranged the pieces for a new game, a small smile upon his lips.

“I do not know what I can be ‘full of’ Jim? If you are referring to my victory, or shall I say victories, then please enlighten me.”    

“Oh shut it. You think you’re such a hot shot because you beat me at chess?”

“Twice.”

“Wow. Well I beat you the first time we played and one time tonight, so we are tied Mister Spock.”

“You may go against me and try to win if you wish.”

Jim put up his hands in surrender. “Oh, I don’t know if I can play another round with the all mighty Grand Master Spock.”  

“Are you afraid, Jim?”

“Never. But seriously, I am getting tired though. Maybe tomorrow?”

Spock was illogically disappointed but allowed Jim to help him put the board away. While Jim arranged the bed Spock did his nightly routines. It didn’t take long and Spock came out ready for another night of meditation.

“Are you seriously meditating again?” Jim asked in disbelief.

“Meditation is necessary to keep the mind at optimal efficiency.”

“Yeah well sleep does that too.”

“I do not need sleep.”

“Everyone needs sleep. Just sleep in your bed and I can sleep on the floor.”

“No, Jim. I will not allow you to sleep on the floor.”

“Well this bed is more than big enough for two and I’m not trying to seduce you if that’s what you think.”

“I am grateful. But no Jim, I need my meditation but if you are this worried then I will take short nap afterwards.”

Jim scuffed. “I’m not worried. If you like sitting on the floor all night then that’s your problem.”

“Thank you for your input, Jim.”

Spock ordered the lights to zero percent so that the only light came from his meditation candles.

“Hey Spock?”

“Yes?”

“Do try to take a nap though, alright?”

“You are not worried Jim?”

“Shut it pointy.”

Spock allowed himself a smile small as Jim’s snoring eased him into meditation.     

* * *

Jim awoke, startled out sleep, with his heart pounding and memories of his nightmare fresh in his mind. Sweat clung to his t-shirt and ran down his forehead. His eyes darted across the room to remember where he was when they landed on Spock. Spock, who was not meditating and sitting next to him in bed, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion and worry. But what Jim focused on were his eyes. His beautiful brown eyes that held more worry and concern than Jim had ever seen them before.  

“Sorry… sorry I ruined your meditation.” Jim barely got the words out, his breathing still too heavy, and his nerves too raw. He didn’t know what else to say. Getting nightmares, or in most cases memories, were happening less and less for him over the years. His job was steady and kept him occupied, he had good friends and a steady support system around to ground him. But when he did get these nightmares, they were abrupt and always consisted of his worst memories.

And it had to happen tonight in Spock’s bed. He couldn’t be more embarrassed. Spock was usually calm and collected, or at least tried to be, in stressful situations. Freaking out over a silly nightmare would definitely not look good in a Vulcan’s eyes.

But Spock was not the stoic Vulcan he tried to be. He was half human too. “You were having a nightmare?” He asked.

Jim looked down, clutching his hands into his blanket, feeling like the lost little boy he was years ago.

“Yeah, but it’s, it’s no big deal. I have them sometimes. You can go back to meditating.”

Jim couldn’t look at Spock. Couldn’t see his brown eyes or see the way he furrowed his eyebrows when he was particularly confused by something. He could tell Spock was at a loss at what to do. He didn’t even know what he expected for him to do, if anything at all. Ignoring the situation was what any other Vulcan would do. But not Spock.

“Jim, do you want to… humans find it beneficial to talk about their feelings.”

“Not me Spock. There are some things that happened to me I don’t think you’ll understand.”

“I would be grateful if you tried. Let me understand.”

“Even if you did Spock, I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”

“Jim, you have done so much for me. Let me return the favor. Let me help you.”

“There’s nothing you can do Spock. You can’t help me.”

“Jim-”

“I said just forget it,” Jim said, suddenly very, very tired. He laid back down, his body turned away from Spock. “Just forget it.”

He expected Spock to listen and go back to meditating, he wanted him to. Talking about his childhood, family, or _Tarsus_  hardly ever made him feel better. Bones always told him to revisit those memories, to conquer and overcome them. But he couldn’t no matter how hard he tried. Bones was his best friend and he couldn’t burden him with his problems. Therapists were too indifferent despite telling him how much they ‘cared’ and wanted to help. It was better to deal with his problems alone.

So yes, Spock leaving him alone would be ideal and appreciated. Ignoring his still rapid beating heart, Jim closed his eyes and tried to block out his thoughts and Spock sitting next to him. This was embarrassing enough.

It was unexpected when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder that forced him to turn around.  He was forced to look into those brown eyes again and he felt like crying.

“You do not need to speak Jim,” Spock said. His voice was low and gentle. “But you are not alone. I am here to help. I am by your side. Tell me what you need of me and I will do it.”   

Jim didn’t know what to say. Talking was still out of the question but he did need Spock. He didn’t know when or how but he needed Spock by his side. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. Even if only for a few more days, he didn’t want to be alone.

“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone right now,” Spock’s eyes widened and Jim wanted to take the words back. Of course it was a stupid request. “Never mind, you don’t-”

“No. I do not mind Jim. I will stay.” He was a little taken aback but most of all he was really grateful. Physical contact was an if-y subject with Spock and he didn’t want to miss his chance. Not when he needed him most because damn it, did he ever need Spock right now.

He waited until Spock laid down and faced him. He inched closer until they were almost touching noses. Every shade of brown in his eyes was visible and staring into them, having Spock so close even though they weren’t touching, calmed him down in a way he would never have thought possible.

So Jim continued to stare into Spock’s eyes until his own drooped from exhaustion. But going to sleep meant the possibility of more nightmares and so he tried to keep his eyes focused on Spock. Unfortunately Spock could already read him so well. “Sleep Jim. There is nothing to fear.”

“Don’t wanna go to sleep. Nightmares.”

“I am here. I will not leave you.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” That promise was said with such protectiveness and devotion it allowed Jim to finally close his eyes.

* * *

 

After Jim’s nightmare Spock did not want to go back to meditating. He wanted to stay awake all night and watch over him, protect him, make sure Jim had no reason to fear ever again. It was illogical to worry about Jim’s nightmares, something he could not control. It was illogical to worry over someone so strong and capable like Jim, who could no doubt take care of himself. But nothing concerning Jim was logical.

Yet going days without sleep were catching up with him and with Jim by his side, he slowly gave into slumber. He couldn’t have slept more than four hours when he woke up again. He wasn’t on his meditation mat like he was these past mornings but in his bed. And he wasn’t alone.

He realized quickly there was a comfortable but heavy weight on his chest and hair tickling against his neck. Lowering his gaze, he saw Jim sleeping on top of him with his face tucked into Spock’s neck. The rise and fall of Spock’s chest didn’t seem to disturb Jim who, with what he could tell, was fast asleep.

An internal battle waged within him; get out of bed to get ready for the day and subsequently waking Jim up, or stay in bed so Jim could attain his necessary sleep. For once, logic wasn’t against him when it concerned Jim. Humans needed at least seven hours of peaceful sleep to function. Jim’s night was not peaceful whatsoever and he needed more time to rest to maintain his health. There was no flaw in his logic to let Jim sleep on top of him.

So he stayed bed watching the head of golden hair near his face and the slope of Jim’s broad back move evenly along with his breathing. He was content to stay like this, seeing Jim so calm and at ease. There was no worrying about marriage, pon farr, parents, or nightmares to bother them anymore.

But after half an hour he could sense Jim awaken. Only then did he embarrassingly realize that his right hand was resting on Jim’s back. He didn’t know how it got there, most likely it happened during the night, but as soon as he realized this he moved it away. That was all the moving it took to make Jim lose any trace of sleep.

Jim nuzzled his face closer into Spock’s neck with his arms encircling him. Spock was reminded of his old sehlat I’Chyla who would usually sleep in bed with him. He had a propensity to drape himself all over Spock during his sleep.

“Jim,” Spock said quietly so as not to disturb Jim too much. “It is morning.”

“What time is it?” Spock could barely comprehend Jim’s groggy mumble.

“I believe it is 0800. My mother must be making breakfast now.”

He hummed in agreement. “Sounds good. Bring me some.”

Spock couldn’t contain a slight smile. “I do not appreciate crumbs in my bed Jim.”

“Oh, so now it’s _your_ bed mister ‘I like to meditate on the floor’?”

“It has always been my bed. You are simply a guest.”

“But a welcomed and honored guest that deserves breakfast in bed, right?”

Spock looked down and noticed Jim had been staring at him. His hair was rumpled, his blue eyes tired from sleep, and his lips chapped. Illogically, he felt the fluttering near his heart, not for the first time since this trip.

Jim kept his eyes on him and licked his lips. Spock wanted to say or do something but for some reason was coming up blank.

“Spock,” Jim said uncertainly. “I think we need to talk.”

Spock felt what Jim was about to say was serious and he nodded in anticipation. When Jim opened his mouth Spock’s door swished open with Sarek standing on the other end. Jim immediately rolled off Spock and covered himself with blankets even though he was already fully clothed. Spock felt embarrassment but wouldn’t allow his father to see it so he raised an eyebrow at him instead. Sarek returned the action and had the decency to not look Jim or Spock in the eye when speaking.

“Your mother wanted to know when you will be down for breakfast.”

“Tell her we will be down within the half hour.”

Sarek nodded and quickly left, the door swishing shut behind him. Jim and Spock stared at each other for a moment before Jim started laughing. “I can’t believe that just happened!”

“Indeed it did.”

“Oh man, that was horrible. He probably thinks we’re a couple of rabbits.”

“Rabbits Jim?”

“Hey, I know you’ve been on earth long enough to know what I’m talking about.”

Spock widened his eyes in innocence and it made Jim laugh like he knew it would. He would admit to finding it a pleasing sound. When his laughs died down Jim left the bed. “I guess I should start getting ready then since I’m apparently not getting any breakfast in bed.”

“You are not. Perhaps tomorrow.”

“Perhaps.” They gazed at the other for way longer than necessary, especially with one being a half Vulcan. Eventually Spock turned away and Jim was almost to the bathroom when Spock remembered something.

“Did you have something to tell me Jim?”

“Oh, uh, never mind about that. I’ll tell you later.”

Spock wanted to ask if anything was wrong but then Jim flashed him a beautiful smile and left. Spock put any concern out of his mind and got ready for the day. He and Jim finished around the same time and went to eat breakfast together. Amanda and Sarek had already finished their meal and were having a conversation quietly over tea. T’Mur must have been waiting for them as she immediately brought out their food. It was a little warm, like it was sitting out too long but Jim didn’t care and dug into the Vulcan equivalent of eggs.

“So what do you boys want to do today?” Amanda asked after they finished most of their meal. “I know Jim’s done with his conferences so we can finally all be together.”

Jim gave Spock a look saying it was all up to him and continued to dig into his eggs.

“I do not know mother. Anything that you would find pleasurable would be fine.”

Sarek glared at his son. Anything his wife normally wanted to do would surely be agony for him. Amanda grinned and listed at litany of different activities they could do that included plays, botanical gardens, and historical sightseeing for Jim. She also mentioned shopping but the Vulcans adamantly shut it down.

“I love my Vulcans but sometimes they can be such a bore. Right Jim?”

Jim was in a semi food coma but half-heartedly agreed. “Yeah, you can be a bore Spockums.” Spock ignored him.

“Ashayam, I am sure we can find a more preferable activity then spending credits on unnecessary clothing.” Sarek said.

“It does not have to only be clothes Sarek but alright, no shopping. What would you like to do then? Do not say the museum.”

“Museums are a valuable source of information. But I suppose if I had to choose, I would like to see my son bond as was the original plan.”

Jim squirmed in his seat and Spock glared back at his father. “And I have said father, we will do so at an appropriate time.” Spock said.

“And when will that be son? As you are in pon farr, your mind losing its Vulcan control? It will be better for you and James to solidify the bond now so it has time to settle.”

Spock panicked. “Father please, now is not the time to discuss this.”

“I disagree, now is the perfect time-”

“What’s pon farr?” Jim interrupted. Spock’s heart, sank knowing everything was about to change.

Sarek's eyes fumed at his son and Amanda's eyes looked the same. “You do not know what pon farr is?”

“Umm, no. Should I?” Jim looked at Spock, searching for answers but all he got in return was a bowed head.

Amanda now turned to her son. “S’chn T’gai Spock, do not tell me you got married without telling your spouse what pon farr is.” Spock said nothing. “Answer me.”

“No.” He said so lowly that Jim could barely hear it. He was getting nervous. He didn’t know what the hell pon farr was but considering the way Sarek and Amanda were reacting it was apparently very important. The last thing he wanted was to get Spock in trouble with his parents, not when they’ve come this far.

“Look, I’m sure he just forgot,” Jim said. “It can’t be that big of deal, right?”

“Spock, explain to your mate this instant on what you should have told him long ago.” Sarek’s voice was like steel. Spock lifted his head and Jim could see turmoil in those brown eyes. He regretted asking the question but at the same time desperately wanted to know what the big deal was and why Spock hid it from him.

“Pon farr is,” Spock began with an exhale. “It is the Vulcan time of mating after a Vulcan reaches their thirtieth or so year. After that it will happen again every seventh year. When a Vulcan mates during pon farr their bond will finally be complete. During our time, Vulcans are stripped of their logic and can become feral and violent until their need is sated.”

“Oh.” Jim didn’t see the big deal. So what if Vulcans had a biological need to mate? It’s not like they could help it.

“I think you are forgetting something else.” Amanda said tersely.

Spock closed his eyes. “If a Vulcan does not mate, then they will die.”  

Jim’s heart sped up. He didn’t know what to think. Spock will die if didn’t find a mate? He didn’t even want to think about Spock dying. “When is your pon farr Spock?” Spock didn’t look him in the eye. “Spock?” He said more forcefully, his hands shaking.

“My thirtieth year was one month ago. I have a month, possibly two if I am fortunate. Weeks if I am not.”

One month. Spock had one month to mate or die. Fucking die. He couldn’t deal with this. He needed to think.

Jim stood, his chair making a loud screech in the quiet of the room. He walked towards the door leading to the backyard.

“Jim, please-”

“Don’t! Just don’t Spock. I don’t want to talk to you.”

When Jim left Amanda shot one last look at her son. This time it was more disappointed than angry. She got up and left the room, leaving father and son alone. Sarek wanted to reprimand his son when Spock spoke. “Father please stop. I do not need your chastisement. I know I have erred. Let me be.”

Sarek did not agree but he could see his son was hurting. He decided not to say anymore for now and let him be alone.

Spock waited at the table for he didn’t know how long. All he could think of was the betrayal he saw on Jim’s face. He knew he should have told Jim about pon farr sooner. Jim dropped everything to help and Spock couldn’t even tell him the reason why he was on Vulcan in the first place. Not only would have it made his lie easier but Jim also wouldn’t be outside angry at him.

After what felt like over an hour Spock went into the backyard. He saw Jim sitting on the bench in his mother’s garden. The area was temperature controlled but he could see the sweat on the back of Jim’s shirt.

“Jim.”

He didn’t turn around. His blank stare was transfixed on the plants and flowers in front of him. Spock stepped closer until he was right in front of Jim. Jim blinked up at him and then focused his gaze back to the garden. Spock tried again. “Jim, please look at me.”

“Why?”

“Because I wish to apologize.”

“Go ahead. Doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me. That you’re going to die and you didn’t tell me.”

“I should have. Pon farr is not spoken of to out worlders. It is private even amongst Vulcans. At first I did not see it relevant to tell you but I now see that was a mistake.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your secret Vulcan sex drive!” Jim stood until they were face to face. “I’m mad because you’re going to die you idiot! What did you think was going to happen when I left? Wait until pon farr hit and find some random girl to bond with? Or were you just going to hope for the best and end up dead?”

“I admit that I did not think of what would happened after your departure-”

“Exactly! Do you want to die Spock?”

“No. I would have found a way Jim. There are theories that a Vulcan can mediate the pon farr away.”

“Does it work?”

“It is not proven.”

Jim laughed but it was not humorous. “So you thought that you could bring a random guy with you to meet mommy and daddy so you wouldn’t have to get bonded and that everything would be okay? Don’t you understand that you are going to die if you don’t get bonded Spock?”

Spock was getting angry. “I understand. What I do not understand is why you care. You have helped me enough, why do you not just leave?”

“Because I can’t let you die!”

“Why not?”

“Because I fucking love you!”

Spock took a step back from Jim. He did not understand. Jim loved him? “What?”

Jim sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Spock could see his eyes begin to water. “I love you. I know it’s insane to say, we haven’t known each other very long, and sometimes I want to rip the bangs off your friggin head but I love you. And I don’t want to go back to San Francisco unless you’re by my side. I can’t let you die Spock.”

“Jim I… I do not understand.”

“Me either. I’ve never been in love before. Honestly I don’t even know that this is love but I know that when I found out that you could die, I couldn’t allow that to happen. Because the thought of living without you, I can’t explain that pain. I would do anything to help you.”

Spock’s heart felt like it was about to burst. “Jim… Jim I do not know. I do not understand.”

Jim grabbed both of Spock’s hands and clasped them near his heart. “I know this is crazy but, if you’ll have me, I’ll bond with you. You don’t have to go through this alone. And maybe if you don’t feel the same way I do now, then maybe you will after we get know each other better. But I know I want to be with you. More than anything.”

Spock closed this eyes. He could feel a wave of Jim’s emotions. Adoration, confusion, hope and another unexplainable but familiar emotion. Those and many more emotions swirled within him and it all became too much. He let go of Jim’s hands and he could clearly see the hurt on his face.

“Vulcans do not love Jim. If that is what you are looking for I cannot give it to you. Bonding with me, it would be illogical on your part.”

Tears streamed down Jim’s face. “Don’t say that. Don’t say you aren’t capable of love. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel at least half of what I feel for you? Don’t tell me this was all one sided. I know you feel this too Spock.”

Spock couldn’t look at Jim. He couldn’t see those blue eyes in pain any longer. He could never be responsible for that pain again. Jim deserved someone who could love him. Just like Nyota. And as a Vulcan, it would be impossible for him to reciprocate those feelings.  

“I am sorry Jim. But I do not love you. I cannot love you.”

“Which one is it? You can’t or you won’t?”

“Do not make this harder Jim. Please. Go.”

Jim shook his head and stepped backwards towards the house. “Fine. But you’re a coward Spock. I know you can love. You’re just afraid. You hide behind the fact you’re a Vulcan as an excuse that you don’t feel. God knows I’ve got my problems, and I may not be the most emotionally stable man, but when I find happiness I sure as hell won’t let it slip through my fingers.”

Spock watched in agony as Jim left into the house. He felt his legs give out and he plopped onto the bench. He had a feeling that this would be the last time he would ever see James Tiberius Kirk.

* * *

 

Spock didn’t know what to think or feel as he stared out into his mother’s garden. At any other time, being out here would have brought him peace. It always had. But with Jim gone, possibly forever, not even seeing him mother’s blooming roses could ease his mind. 

The image of Jim calling him a coward repeated over and over in his mind. Was it true? Was he really afraid to love? No. That was impossible. He couldn’t be afraid of something that wasn’t a possibility. A Vulcan cannot love. Love was an emotion. Vulcans cannot allow themselves to feel emotions, they must suppress them.

His father said so. He married his mother out of logic, not love. Love was not a necessity. And if Jim thought he needed love then he was the illogical one, not Spock.

“I am a fool.” Spock sighed. Regret returned at the thought of Jim. Did he listen to Spock? Did he leave Vulcan already? Did he decide to stay? Will he truly never see his smile or blue eyes ever again?

And then there was T’Pau’s words. She claimed he and Jim had a ‘strong connection’. If that was true then did he really make a mistake in turning down Jim’s proposal? Was that the right thing to do?

He sighed again and then heard footsteps behind him. He didn’t need to turn around to know it was his father. Sarek coming was preferable to his mother who he knew would use this as one of the few occasions where she raised her voice at him. At least his father would be quiet.

Sarek stood next to Spock. Moving over to give his father room to sit would have been the polite thing to do but at the moment he didn’t care. Sarek waited for a minute until he went to the patio and brought his own chair and placed it in front of his son. Spock averted his gaze so he wouldn’t have to look at him. It was because of him he had to marry T’Pring in the first place that made him meet Jim. If he would never had met Jim then he wouldn’t be feeling pain at this moment. It was logical to be angry at his father because of that.

“Are you aware that your husband has left?” Sarek said.

Spock’s heart ached. “I suspected that might be a possibility.”

“Your mother is not pleased with you. Neither am I.”

“I suspected that as well.”

“It was your duty as a husband and a Vulcan to tell your mate what bonding entails. While I certainly do not know the intricacies of human emotion, I cannot say I blame James for his anger with you. As an ambassador, I believe communication is important to any relationship.”

Spock clenched his hands. His father’s disappointment, his mother’s anger, and Jim's leaving all became too much. His years of practiced Vulcan control disappeared. He could not continue this lie. “Thank you for your advice father but it is unnecessary since Jim is not my husband. He is gone for good and I doubt I will ever see him again.”

Spock felt illogical satisfaction at seeing his father look dumbfounded. It didn’t last long when Sarek’s face transformed into anger. “What do you mean James is not your husband?”

“It was a ruse. I did not want to marry T’Pring and asked Jim to pretend to be my husband. Before my arrival I knew him for not yet a day.”

“What about your pon farr Spock? Did you think what will happen since you are without a mate?”

“I do not know. I suppose you will have to find me a Vulcan mate after all. You win father.”

“I do not win anything. How do I ‘win’ when I can see my son is unhappy?”

“I am not unhappy father. Like you said, it is logical to ensure ones well-being and longevity. I need a mate to live. It is logical.”

“What about James?”

Spock looked skeptically at his father. “What of him?”

“Spock, do you think me a fool or are you truly one yourself?”

“Father?”

“You and James. If you find him and make amends then there will be no need to find you a new mate.”

“You are not making sense.”

Sarek almost sighed in frustration. “Spock, do you remember when you were young and asked me why I married your mother?”

“Of course I do. You told me it was logical.”

“That was not entirely true,” Sarek averted his gaze, uncomfortable with talking to his son about this. “What do you feel for James, Spock?”

“Feel? I feel he is a man I recently met who has helped me greatly.”

“Is that all? Do you feel… romantic feelings for him?”

Spock looked away. Why was his father asking him this? Never would he had ever thought his father would one day ask if he had feelings, especially romantic ones. “That would be impossible. Vulcans do not feel love.”

“I think you know that is not true Spock. Vulcans feels, just as much as any human. When I saw you with James, I could see you were very… happy. And you are not a very good actor my son.”

Spock blushed a little. “Well it does not matter what I do or do not feel for Jim. It is not acceptable. Jim told me that, that he loves me. I could not in good conscious be with him when I know I can never reciprocate those feelings. I would rather the blood fever take me then hurt him again.”

“Then do not hurt him. Do not be afraid to reciprocate those feelings Spock.”

“But father, I cannot. I am a Vulcan-”

“Spock. Do you know why I married your mother? I married her because I love her.”

Spock could hardly believe what he was hearing. His father would barely admit to the smallest of emotion, spent most of Spock’s childhood telling him to repress it, and yet was telling him he loved his mother. He knew his parents cared for one another and suspected his mother loved Sarek, although she never vocalized it, but his father never admitted to love.

“There is nothing wrong with love Spock,” Sarek continued. “It is not something I or most Vulcans say out loud, but it is necessary. Whether romantic or otherwise, many humanoid life forms need love. As long as you do not allow it to control you, it can be a very… useful emotion.”

So what he felt for Jim, it was acceptable? He was no less of a Vulcan for what he felt. His attraction towards Jim, his need to be close and protect him like he has no other. Was it love? He wanted to be at Jim’s side always in mind, body, and soul. And if T’Pau was right, then they would have no trouble bonding. Just the thought of sharing his mind with Jim, to never be parted, it sent a chill down his spine. He wanted him, he needed him.

“I love Jim.”

“Then I suggest you go after him.”

Sarek was right. Spock took out his padd and checked the times for transport back to earth. There was only one for the evening and it was scheduled to leave in little more than half an hour. Spock stood up, a burst of energy and purpose surged through his body. He needed to stop Jim from leaving and tell him how he felt. “I must go father.”

Spock was almost near the house when he heard his father call him. “Spock, it would be most appreciated if you do no tell your mother you and James were never married. She is fond of James and it would not be wise if she found out about your lie.”

“Just as it would not be wise if she found out you told me you married her out of logic and not love?”

Sarek raised an eyebrow at his son before he shyly nodded. Spock nodded back before he rushed to the car.

* * *

Jim sat in the gate area and waited for his boarding number to be called. After his conversation with Spock he knew he couldn’t stay in that house any longer. Maybe someday they could both become friends again but right now the wound in his heart was still open and hurt too much. He felt bad for leaving without an explanation to Amanda. She seemed really upset when he left but he didn’t have the guts to tell her that his and Spock’s relationship was a lie.

His eyes watered at the thought of the Vulcan. He honestly thought they had something special, that Spock would feel the same way he did. It was probably for the best that he didn’t though. Jim Kirk in love? Bones would sure get a good laugh out of that. Maybe he was wrong about loving Spock anyways. He’s known him for less than a week. It was entirely possible it was just a stupid crush that snowballed into what he thought was love. Bones did say he fell for people too quickly which was one of the many reasons he tried not to fall at all.

But who was he kidding? Spock was different from anyone else he has ever met. Intelligent, thoughtful, and witty. It didn’t help that he was hot as hell too. Even his obsessive need for logic and his bowl cut weren’t as annoying as he remembered. Man was he screwed.

Over the intercom he heard his seating zone announced. He wiped his eyes, got up, and tried to put the thought of Spock out of his mind. Once he was back on earth he could go about his life like he had never loved the Vulcan at all.

This shuttle was smaller than the one he arrived to Vulcan on and with less people in it also. The company of a certain someone was absent as well and he didn’t think befriending another Vulcan would be a good idea. So he chose a seat near the window and away from the other passengers. A long peaceful nap to clear his mind was exactly what he needed.

He didn’t get the chance to close his eyes when he heard the sound of raised voices outside the shuttle. Jim craned his head towards the door to see what was happening. That was when Spock barged through the door with two bulky security guards behind him.

“Spock?”

Spock’s eyes locked on Jim's. His disheveled and green tinted cheeks made him more attractive than ever. Jim sucked in a breath of air as feelings of complete heart break came rushing back the second he saw those brown eyes again. He held back the tears threatening to fall.

“What are you doing here?”

One of the security guards reached for Spock but the half Vulcan pulled away. He took his wallet out and threw it at the guard. His eyes never left Jim’s though. “My father is Ambassador Sarek and I am of the House of Surak.” The check of ID and announcement was all that was needed for the guards to back away and for the entirety of passengers to focus their attention on them.

Jim got up from his seat and faced Spock but carefully kept his distance. The sense of trust and feelings of being protected Spock made him feel was almost shattered now. He didn’t want to get too close again only to be hurt.

Spock saw his apprehension and didn’t attempt to move any closer. He relaxed his stance and kept their eyes locked. “Jim, please do not go. Stay on Vulcan so we may discuss this.”

“I’m not staying here Spock. And you’ve said all that I need to know. You don’t care about me, not how I care about you. It will hurt too much to stay.”

“Do you still love me?”

“Dammit Spock.”

“Do you? Do you still love me?”

A tear slid down Jim’s face. He hated himself for letting it happen. “Shit Spock, you’re gonna make me say it again? Alright, I love you. I love you so damn much that when you didn’t say it back I felt like I was going to die. It’s like I lost half my soul. Are you fucking happy now?”

Spock’s brown eyes glistened. “I am exceptionally happy.”

“What?”

“Jim, all my life I felt that it was wrong for a Vulcan to feel love. To this day, I have yet to tell my own mother that I love her because of the fear I will not be Vulcan enough. But Jim, when I am with you, I am not afraid of that. I do not worry about being Vulcan enough or human enough. With you, I forget that. With you, I am simply myself.”

“What… what are you saying?”

“I cannot comprehend of my life without you. If I spend only half my life by your side, I will consider it a life well spent.”

“Spock-” 

“I love you. I do not want to be afraid any longer. I want to wake up with you in my bed each morning. I wish for you to become part of my family and I become a part of yours. I wish to be bonded with you the Vulcan and human way and any way you desire. And to live my life without hearing you call me an incessant nickname again would be anathema to me.”

Jim cried openly now. “You love me?”

“I love you.”

“No backing out?”

“Never. As long as you will have me.”

Jim smiled so hard he thought his face might spilt. “Are you proposing Mister Spock? For real this time?”

Spock smiled back. On any human it would have looked small but for a Vulcan he was beaming. “Will you marry me?”

“I don’t see you down on one knee.”

“Jim.”

“Spock.”

The Vulcan obediently went down on one knee and clasped Jim’s hands in his own. The small tingle Jim felt when they first kissed was back but one-hundred times fold. He grinned as Spock looked him in the eyes, this time very seriously.

“James Tiberius Kirk, will you marry me?”

Jim didn’t waste any time in pulling Spock back up and kissing him hard. This time the kiss was real. There was no pretending, there was no false pretense. Jim put every amount of love and adoration as he could into it and Spock reciprocated just as much. He wrapped his hands around his neck and moved his fingers into Spock’s soft hair. He felt Spock’s soft, bow-like lips move eagerly but lovingly against his own. Spock kissed him like he was the most precious thing but held onto his waist so firmly and protectively, determined to not let him go.

Jim didn’t want to stop. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. And he would have if reality hadn’t set in and he realized that they were being watched. Slowly, he pulled away after giving Spock’s lower lip a soft bite. Spock’s breath hitched but he stopped kissing. That didn’t stop him from gazing into Jim’s eyes with love and desire.

Jim tore his gaze away to look at the prying Vulcan eyes that appeared to be more judgmental than usual. He couldn’t blame them. A declaration of love between a Vulcan and human was something that was probably rare to them. Plus, a small transport shuttle wasn’t the most romantic of settings.

“They’re watching us.” Jim whispered to Spock.

Spock dug his hands deeper into Jim’s side to pull him closer. He leaned in and kissed him sweetly once more. “I find that in this moment, I do not care.”

Jim giggled and touched his forehead to Spock’s. “So what are we going to do now?”

* * *

 

1 MONTH LATER

The morning sun shined through the window, its rays hitting Jim’s naked body. His sleep was already tenuous and the bright light was all that was needed to wake him up. The first thing he was aware of was the pain present all throughout his body. There were bruises on his arms, torso, back, legs, and other unmentionable places. The second thing was the pounding in his head. It was like having the worst headache ever but it was a good pain. A necessary pain. The third thing he realized was Spock’s strong arms wrapped tightly from behind him. He had his nose snuggled up against Jim’s neck.

Jim found it adorable that Spock was making little purring sounds. He could feel every reverberation against his back and it sent shivers through his body. This was the first morning in four days he didn’t wake up to Spock either biting some part of his body or rutting against him, waiting for Jim to wake up so he could fuck him.

He was glad that the pon farr was wearing off. At first, the thought of days long rough sex was a dream come true. But after the first day the novelty wore off and he wanted his logical, annoying Spock back.

Despite staying in bed for days they hardly got any sleep and Jim wanted Spock to sleep as long as possible. So he tried to stay still and ignore the pain in his mind and body. After a while it became too much to ignore and he moved to try and get his heavy Vulcan off of him.

Spock purred louder and tightened his hold around Jim. He buried his face deeper into Jim’s neck and inhaled his mate’s scent. Jim was endeared but he more than anything wanted a hypo to get rid of his pain. And he really hated hypos.

“Hey sweetheart, let me go okay? I want to get some water and a hypo and I’ll be right back.” Jim said calmly.

Spock didn’t seem to like this idea at all. His logic was slowly returning and knew he should let his mate recuperate but his baser Vulcan instinct wanted Jim close to him at all times. But after a nibble to Jim’s neck he decided to let him go. For a little bit at least.

After Spock freed him, he turned around and gave Spock a peck on the nose. He was rewarded with Spock’s doe eyed stare before he went to the washroom. He tried to be quick getting cleaned up because even though the bond was fully settled, he felt Spock’s apprehension of him being away.

Jim crawled into bed after he was done and Spock immediately wrapped around him once more. Jim didn’t mind the cuddling and returned his husband’s embrace. Husband. Jim smiled at the thought.

“What is so humorous ashayam?”

“Ashayam? Who’s the one with the nicknames now baby-cakes?”

Spock nipped at Jim’s ear. “Explain.”

“So bossy. And it’s nothing. I was just thinking on how weird it was that when I first I met you and didn’t like you and then I had to pretend to like you and now I can’t imagine my life without you. Crazy how life works huh?”

“Indeed. And our charade is now a reality.”

“Well it was your _lie_ hubby. And technically we’re only Vulcan married now, not human married. Your mom is going to plan our ‘vow renewal’ for months until its perfect. I think she invited half of San Francisco.”

“Yes. She was exceptionally angry that she was not there for our ‘first wedding’. But now, I will be able to meet your family this time.”

“Believe me, they’re going to love you. They will probably love you more than they do me honestly.”

“I do not believe that to be true.”

Jim used his left hand to intertwine it with Spock’s. Through the bond he felt Spock’s growing arousal but at the moment was more relaxed and content to have Jim in his arms. Jim looked at their hands and imagined the ring that would be on it soon.

“Are we completely insane to be getting married?” Spock tensed beside him. “Hey calm down, I love you. It’s just, don’t you think it was all too much too fast?”

“Maybe so. Do you believe in destiny Jim?”

“Don’t tell me you do?”

“No, that would be illogical. Although, if I did, I believe that ours is to be together.”

Jim kissed Spock’s hand. “You’re such a sweet talker. So do I have destiny to thank for sending me to Vulcan?”

“For whatever reason, I cannot be more grateful that you sat next to me on the shuttle.”

“And said yes to be your fake husband.”

“And now you are truly ‘stuck with me’.”

He kissed him slowly and soundly. The amount of love he had for this crazy Vulcan astonished him at times and the fact that Spock loved him just as much was even more astonishing. But he wouldn’t change it for anything.

“That is definitely fine by me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Remember to leave comments or kudos if you liked it. And you can check me out at luck-and-miracles.tumblr.com


End file.
